Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants
by lightyearpig
Summary: The universes of Steven and Marvel collide once more when Professor Charles Xavier offers Steven the opportunity to train at his school. But when an alliance between Magneto Doctor Doom is formed, the Crystal Gems make new partnerships themselves with the X-Men and the Fantastic Four.
1. Fantastically Uncanny

_AN: After going back to the past to explore the history of Thanos, we finally jump back to the future with this latest and long-awaited installment of the Marvel Gems Universe in the all-new Heavy Metal Trilogy! I'm your darling author Lightyearpig, and we're finally back in business baby! Just as a disclaimer, this takes place a few weeks after Change your Mind which unfortunately means no references to the movie or Spinel. Tragic, I know. But without further ado, let the return of the Crystal Gems commence!_

* * *

**Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants**

**Chapter 1: Fantastically Uncanny**

"So nice of you to take us in professor." Rose Quartz thanked a young Charles Xavier as they, along with Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl strolled through his mansion home in Westchester County, New York during the year 1963. "I empathize so deeply with your desires for harmony between humans and mutants. Both your kinds are just so intriguing to me."

"And I find Gems a peculiar topic as well." Xavier remarked with a smile. "I have to admit, I find myself endearing to your plights against those Diamonds thousands of years ago. Do you believe they could strike again?" he asked. "I don't think so. Ever since the end of the rebellion, Earth has been in relative peace for millenniums." Garnet responded adjusting her shades. "However, they could strike again if any deeper knowledge of the Crystal Gems reach them."

"So Xy, got any cool stuff to show us? Or are we just gonna keep walking around and talking about junk?" Amethyst asked casually. "Amethyst, be polite!" Pearl gently scolded the smaller Gem, but Charles laughed warmly. "No need to be so concerned Pearl." the professor stated. "But there is one thing I've been working on for the past few years. Please, follow me."

Xavier lead the Gems to his office, where he pressed a button hidden inside a bust of Martin Luther King Jr. and opened a secret elevator hidden behind a bookshelf. "Right this way now girls." he commanded stepping into the elevator and the Gems followed.

The lift slowly creeped down the passageway and then finally stopped at a sub-basement inhabited solely by a helmet and computer-like device, both connected to a large electronic brain hovering above them. "This is what I call Cerebro." Xavier explained. "It's still a work in progress, but one day I can use this to search for mutants around the world and take them in as both my students & future heroes."

"Mind if you give us a demonstration?" Rose asked. "I never thought you'd ask." Charles proclaimed sitting down at the computer and putting on the helmet.

* * *

Years later, a far older, wheelchair-bound Xavier took off the helmet in a more modern looking Cerebro room while Wolverine and Mister Fantastic stood by him. "You sure this is still the one Logan?" Professor X asked the Canadian mutant. "I'm sure of it Chuck." Logan replied. "Just say the word and we'll all be there in a jiff."

"I would like to research this boy sometime." Reed Richards commented gazing at a video image of Steven Universe conjured up by Xavier's machine. With a press of his temple, the professor telepathically gave out his orders.

"To me, my X-Men!"

* * *

"So what was that Universe child like Logan?" the field leader of the X-Men Scott Summers, aka Cyclopsm asked Wolverine while the mutant team flew out to Beach City on the Blackbird. "Real energetic little squirt who sees the good in a ton of people, even Thanos." Wolverine answered. "Got a bunch of crazy friends too, like this big square lady who's literally just a pair of tiny girlfriends in a trenchcoat, a purple midget with a whip, some bird woman who had the hots for his dead mom when she was alive, etc."

"My stars and garters, what an interesting bunch." the beastly researcher Hank McCoy commented. "Heads up gang, we should be landing in Beach City any moment now." their current pilot Angel, aka Warren Worthington III, announced as the jet got closer. "Please keep arms and legs within your seats as we begin touchdown. Okay Wolvie, where to?"

"Just be on the lookout for a beach house jammed into the big statue of a giant woman near the beach, that's all." Logan ordered sitting down in his seat and looking out the window. "See, there it is!" he exclaimed pointing at that very beach house in the distance, only it was very different from when he last saw it.

Since he last departed Beach City after the battle with Thanos, the house now had a second floor in construction process connecting to a barely-finished crystal dome, larger windows at the front and two flags outside of it. When the X-Men touched down on the beach close to the beach house, he got a better look at the flags to discover that one of them symbolized Earth while the other was colored yellow, blue, white and pink.

"Whew, talk about a chic place!" the cryokinetic Bobby Drake, better known as Iceman, whistled while gazing at the house. "You told us he was just some kid with crazy alien powers!"

"Bob, there's so much you don't know about these Gems yet." Logan declared placing a hand on his comrade's cold shoulder when the door opened and out of it came Steven himself. "Hi Wolverine! We weren't expecting you to come back after helping us stop Thanos!" the half-Gem boy greeted the savage mutant. "And are those the X-Men?! Awesome!"

"We just need to talk squirt!" Logan hollered back from below the front porch. "And also, WHAT THE F-"

* * *

"You're just worried that I can survive that." Wolverine snarled while hand soap slowly dripped out his mouth. "So you were saying that your dead mom was secretly a space warlord who ditched her home planet for Earth because she was sick of the other Diamonds treating her like shit?"

"That's basically it, yeah." Amethyst commented. Also since Wolverine first left Beach City, the Crystal Gems had changed in appearance as well. Garnet's visor had turned orange while the top part resembled a star, the bottom part of her torso was split between red & blue and had copper & tin wedding rings on her fingers.

Amethyst now had a black top exposing her gemstone, jean shorts with black stars on them and her boots were white. And Pearl had gained a cyan blazer with shoulder-pads over a teal blue top, indigo leggings and pink flats. But it was the newer members of Crystal Gems that changed the most.

Peridot's visor was now a larger butterfly shape, she proudly wore her stars on her chest & knees and her socks were now chartreuse yellow boots. Lapis had doffed a skirt entirely in favor of dark-blue sweatpants held up by a gold ribbon, her top had the upper portion of a star on it and she now had golden sandals on. And Bismuth was now clad in a black vest-like garment over a strapless red apron while her boots & pants remained unchanged.

"Well, good to know." Cyclops stated standing at attention before Steven. "Greetings young Mr. Universe. I am Scott Summers, also known as X-Men leader Cyclops." Scott introduced himself. "My team and I have arrived at your homestead with an offer to better your skills under the tutelage of our superior Professor Charles Xavier."

"Wait, you mean Chuck?!" Amethyst exclaimed. "Aw, it's been ages since we last saw him! How's he been?" she asked. "Since he last met you Crystal Gems, he took us in as his students before becoming paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair." Cyclops's lover & second in command Jean Grey responded. "I'm Jean Grey." she introduced herself as well. "These are the rest of our graduating class; Iceman, Angel and Beast. And I'm sure you're already familiar with Wolverine."

"Anyone wanna tell me who this newbie is?" Logan asked standing next to a green one-eyed Gem with white hair and a pink diamond on her chest dressed in light green coattails. "Forgive me sir, my name is Nephrite." the new Gem introduced herself. "Honorary member of the Crystal Gems at your service!"

"She was the first corrupted Gem we fought and as such, one of the first we fully healed." Garnet briefed Howlett. "She's here today because we're in the process of building a place for all former Gem monsters to call home, just like her."

"So kind of like our headquarters, where we train mutants from across the globe to become the next generation of heroes." Jean stated. "Wait, there's more of you?" Bismuth asked the telepath quizzically. "I suppose you must've been unaware for some reason." the scarlet-locked mutant guessed correctly while using her mutant powers to read the blacksmith's mind. "Oh you bet I was!" Bismuth replied. "Just a simple case of being bubbled and stuck in a lion's mane due to...disagreements, shall we say."

"You mean this creature?" Beast asked observing Lion as he sniffed his blue fur. "How can it be possible? Surely the mane of a normal lion cannot contain anything at maximum length!" Steven however answered Dr. McCoy's questions by sticking his hand inside the mane. "My word, I must learn more!"

"Hey Steven, just came by today to help with construct-" Connie announced stepping into the beach house expecting the Gems to accept her help. They were present, but were too preoccupied by a group of mutants investigating them including a blue-furred man holding Lion by the sides. "Not even going to ask."

"Am I the only one getting some weird deja vu?" Lapis pondered. "Oh you bet! All we need now is a black hole bomb made out of kitchen things!" Peridot replied with a snicker.

"Oh hey Connie, I'd like you to meet the X-Men." Steven introduced his swordfighting friend to the merry mutants. "You must be the friend of Steven I've heard Logan talk about." Cyclops commented shaking the girl's hand. "I am Cyclops. Me and my teammates are here today to test Steven and see if he's got what it takes to be a student of Xavier."

"Oh cool! Let me guess, you have a flying machine outside on the beach to take us to your HQ?" Connie asked. "That's how the last few superheroes came to see us."

"You are very spot-on young lady." Beast declared opening the door for everyone to leave. "Come now, we have much to discuss in Westchester!" The Crystal Gems exited the beach house where the Blackbird awaited them on the sand outside. "Oh my gosh, your ship looks so cool!" Steven cried out in excitement. "Can I sit in the front?"

"Surely. Anything Steven." Scott kindly accepted when they boarded the X-Men's jet and allowed the boy to take one of the front seats closest to the pilot's section while the other Crystal Gems, plus Lion, simply stood around. "Well aren't you just a lucky boy?" Amethyst quipped while leaning against Iceman's seat. "Getting to ride shotgun with the big cheese of the X-Men."

"Though I'm not sure if we're ready to let Steven leave Beach City to better his powers." Pearl stated with concern when Beast put a hand on her shoulder. "Do not worry my dear, he's in good hands." Hank declared. "Or maybe not." Garnet announced adjusting her shades. "I fear something bad could happen to him while at your mansion."

"Yeesh, Captain Ominous here. Am I right?" Angel snarked as the Blackbird finally took off, heading towards Westchester and zooming away from Beach City. Down below, Greg was ready to drive up to the Temple in his van when he saw the Blackbird flying overhead. "I wonder what bizarre adventures Steven is getting into this time?" he muttered as the jet vanished from sight.

* * *

"And that, children, is how you land a fastball special." the metal-skinned Russian mutant Piotr Rasputin, aka Colossus, declared to a classroom full of young mutants in the Xavier Institute of Higher Learning for Gifted Youngsters. The school was established by the genius to better the skills of the young mutants, build them to be the next generation of heroes and inspire his motto of peace between humans & mutants within them. When the X-Men were not fighting the forces of evil, many of them spent time teaching classes, and Colossus, the leader of the Gold team of X-Men, was no different.

"Now then, any questions?" Piotr asked his pupils when one of them raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Collins?" he stated. "Have you noticed that Kitty's head is poking out of the board?" Russell Collins asked, bringing attention to Rasputin's fellow X-Man Kitty Pryde popping her head out with her phasing abilities, inciting giggles from the class. "Bozhe moy!" Colossus exclaimed in surprise. "I didn't see you there Kitty! What brings you here?"

"I came because Emma told me to tell you that Cyclops and the others are coming back." Kitty announced. "Uzhe?!" Piotr muttered before turning to his class. "My apologies students, I have other matters to attend to." he apologized to his pupils as he walked out the door. "Be sure to keep studying everyone!"

* * *

In the foyer of the mansion, the X-Men assembled to welcome back their six famous teammates and gemlike guests. On one side were the Blue Team of mutants. Aside from Cyclops, Jean, Hank, Angel, Iceman & Wolverine, they included the weather-wielding Storm, power-stealing Southern belle Rogue, charming card-tosser Gambit, implike teleporting Nightcrawler, fireworks-tossing Jubilee, the disappearing Shadowcat & her pet dragon Lockheed and the tracker Warpath.

On the other side was the Gold Team led by Colossus. By his side were the beautiful telepath Emma Frost, Wolverine's clone daughter X-23, Colossus's younger sister Magik, the fire-wielder Firestar, solar-powered Sunspot, pop singer Dazzler, wisecracking shapeshifter Morph, living rocket Cannonball, lava-generating Magma and the other teleporter Blink.

Professor Xavier psychically lifted his wheelchair down the stairs and planted himself on the floor to look at the Crystal Gems. "Today my fellow mutants, we welcome some old friends of mine into our school." he announced. "I'd like to thank Logan here for pointing us in their direction."

Wolverine simply rolled his eyes before lighting up a cigarette to smoke. "Without Wolverine, our eyes wouldn't have been opened to the potential of young Steven Universe here as both a student of my school and a potential X-Man as well." Xavier finished his speech with a grin. "Now then everyone, introduce yourselves."

"Yo Chuck, it's been ages! How ya been?!" Amethyst excitedly greeted the professor. "Why Amethyst, so good to see you again too." Xavier replied tousling the smaller Gem's hair. "It seems that all three of you have changed quite a bit since we last met." he added looking at Garnet and Pearl. "Along with new additions to your ranks as well."

"Astounding! Some humans can choose not to use their gravity connectors!" Peridot exclaimed gazing at the mutant's wheelchair. "And they can also choose to not have hair as well!" Xavier gave a warm chuckle and patted Peridot on her three-sided head. "Quite an observant one, isn't she?"

"So what's up with the whole no-hair business?" Lapis asked Charles. "It's just old age my dear." the professor stated while gazing at Steven and Connie meeting the rest of the X-Men.

"So you're basically Wolverine's clone?" Connie asked X-23. "Yeah, pretty much." Laura replied deadpan. "And I'm also sort of his daughter as well."

"Whoa, you have a pet dragon?!" Steven gasped in amazement while Lockheed perched himself on his shoulder. "Well, Lockheed is more of a weird alien dragon, but you get the point." Kitty replied earnestly. "Which reminds me, can I get a look at your lion?"

Without Steven even asking him to, Lion walked towards Kitty Pryde and stared at her for a few moments before bowing his head, allowing her to pet him. "Aw, he's a real cutie." she cooed at Lion. "When and where did you get him?"

"It was when I was starting to go on missions with the Gems, I found him in a desert one time." Steven explained. "Ah, sometimes I miss the simpler days when I was just an excitable tagalong to them. Just a new monster with no drama related to my dead mom or other Gems in sight."

"Kinda reminds me of when I started out as an X-Man." Kitty regaled. "I was just another student of theirs until I happened to save their lives from the Hellfire Club and that's how I became a full member with both Storm & Wolverine having my back."

"Wow, you two are surprisingly pretty similar." Connie observed. "You mean like how we were once eager young sidekicks to more experienced heroes who soon grew into our own?" Kitty responded. "Yeah, that's basically it." Connie replied. "So what can all of you do?"

"That's just what I needed to hear young lady." Professor X stated. "I want to see how skilled you and Steven are on the battlefield. Come now, to the Danger Room everyone! Reed and company should be down there waiting for us."

"What's that?" Steven asked Wolverine. "It's what we call our training room. Able to simulate any situation that requires any of our abilities." Logan explained. "It's been rebuilt God knows how many times, but it's still the same old room through and through."

As the Crystal Gems were led by the X-Men, a female student of the Academy watched them depart and her eyes turned yellow as she eyed Lapis in particular. "Ah, she seems easy to replace." she muttered to herself while her skin slowly turned blue. "Let the mission proceed."

* * *

_Happy New Year everyone! I sincerely hope 2020 and beyond brings us more fond memories together, and I also hope I don't procrastinate on every chapter like what happened towards the end of both Secret Wars & Gravity Soul. With that said, just who is that mysterious student and what does she want with Lapis Lazuli?! Well if you know your Marvel, then I suppose the yellow eyes and blue skin should give it away. Anyways, be sure to leave a review and I'll see you next time!_


	2. Right into the Danger Room

_AN: Kept you waiting, huh? After originally deleting the Fantastic Four from the climax of last chapter due to not giving them any dialogue, this is where I now shall introduce the First Family to the story. Well then, let's finally hop to it!_

* * *

**Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants**

**Chapter 2: Right into the Danger Room**

"Here we are Steven, the X-Men's personal training room." Pearl announced as the group exited the elevator, went through the hallways, and stepped into the famous Danger Room of the X-Men. Aside from the small control room above it housing X-Men ally Moira MacTaggert & Gold Team member Doug Ramsey aka Cypher, the area was a large white room decorated with turrets, holograms, and various other traps designed to test whoever trains in there.

"So, the legendary Steven Universe in the flesh." Reed Richards announced his presence by appearing behind Steven with Susan Storm, Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm behind him. "Wait, the Fantastic Four are here too?!" Steven exclaimed. "That's right little guy. The professor and Stretch here actually wanted to test you." the Thing stated patting a big orange hand on the stretchable scientist's shoulder. "We've already heard about how you helped those Chitauri and Thanos."

"Charles is already sort of familiar with you Gems thanks to your mother." Sue added with a wink. "Which version of my mom are you talking about, Rose or Pink Diamond?" Steven asked, casually bringing up his mother's true identity to the four, which incited an awkward silence.

"Okay then." Johnny muttered nervously. "Why don't we just get to fighting already to get our minds off that junk?" he asked. "Very glad you asked Johnny." Reed answered just as sheepish while gazing down at the Danger Room. "Eight Crystal Gems against twenty-four mutants, Johnny and Ben. Sounds like pretty bad odds for you."

"We'll find a way around that." Garnet declared as she pounded her fists together. "Now then, shall we begin?"

"Gladly." Wolverine smirked and he popped out his claws and the two teams of both eight & twenty-six were lowered down into the training room. Charles, Reed and Susan remained in the control room to monitor the Gems' abilities from afar. "Let the testing begin." Xavier declared.

"Heads up X-Men!" Cyclops exclaimed firing his eye beams at Garnet, who swiftly blocked them with a cross of her arms. "Joke's on you, my future vision saw that coming." the fusion smirked before she went in for the kill, punching the mutant in the face.

"So what can you do little one?" Colossus asked while towering over both Peridot and Lapis. "That depends. How heavy are you with that form?" Peridot replied with a grin as she lifted the metal man into the air with her ferrokinesis. "My word, I am floating!" Piotr cried in astonishment. "C'mon Lapis!" Peridot muttered to the water Gem. "Go and make him wet! He should rust, right?"

"Oh uh, I don't think I can do that right now." Lapis said nervously before slowly shuffling away, inciting curiosity from the green Gem. "That's a little odd." Peridot observed while lowering Colossus to the ground. "Yes, you say she has water powers yet has not used them at all." Piotr added. "And by the way, I do not rust."

Meanwhile, Pearl and Connie were clashing their blades with Wolverine and Laura's claws. "Likin' the new sword Connie." Logan complimented. "But what the hell happened to the old one?"

"Oh, funny story actually." Connie stated while parrying Laura's foot claws. "Ruby and Sapphire had this wedding that we put together after we all learned Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond in disguise only for it to be crashed by the Diamonds and Blue Diamond broke the first one. Then we went to Homeworld where Bismuth eventually came to help us with a new one she made for me."

"That's certainly a lot to take in." X-23 remarked while flipping backwards to avoid Connie's attacks before she locked the claws in her hands with Pearl's spear. "Yes, everything after that did take some getting used to." the white Gem stated. "Between repairing the beach house, making a place for all the Gems we uncorrupted to live in and still sort of recovering from becoming extensions of White Diamond, it's a lot to take in."

* * *

"At home base is our golden boy Sammy "The Cannonball" Guthrie, as he gets ready for perhaps the biggest hit of the season!" Cannonball narrated to himself like a sports commentator while aiming himself at Bismuth, who was duking it out with both Ben and Johnny. "To say he's been preparing for this moment the entire year wouldn't be saying much, but by God he plans on making this the hit that'll change the way everyone sees his team for centuries to come!"

"Hey Cannie, quit stalling!" Magma jeered as she made small talk with Nephrite. "Not even his fans will break his concentration!" Sam continued and then, he began to ignite his feet. "HERE COMES THE PITCH!" he yelled, blazing towards the blacksmith, the Torch and the Thing with rapid speed & a big grin on his face and then, knocked them all down like bowling pins. "AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!"

"Sam you nino." Amara tutted to herself. "Is your relationship normally like this?" Nephrite asked the lava mutant. "Yeah, he's kinda like an annoying little brother to me." Magma replied. "So anyway, what can you do?"

"Oh, you mean you want to see my weapon?" the former Centipeetle mother inquired. "Well, here g-" Before she could demonstrate, Cannonball was sent flying into a wall by a single punch from Garnet, right next to the two. "I'M OKAY!" he exclaimed. "NAILED IT!"

Far from the others, Steven was backed into a corner by Blink and Warpath. "Gotta say kid, you're not too shabby." Clarice Ferguson nodded while flinging her crystal javelins at Steven's shield. "You still got a little to learn, but that's what the professor is for."

"Oh yeah? Well try this!" Steven exclaimed, now turning his shield into a bubble to roll around in and raced off, knocking down Clarice and James along the way. "There is so much about Gems that we must learn." Warpath muttered. "Don't you agree Clarice?"

"Hey Connie, over here!" Steven called out to his human friend. "Let's show everyone something really cool!" he offered. "Oh, you mean-" Connie began when Logan cut her off. "I'm sorry, what?" Wolverine asked as the girl raced to the bubble and high-fived each other, glowing brightly inside the sphere before it dispersed, and out of it came Stevonnie. "TA-DA!"

"What the hell just happened?!" Cypher exclaimed in wonder. "Anyone else seeing this?" Moira asked the others, who were already monitoring the current events. "It seems they have merged into a singular being!" Reed analyzed through video footage of the fusion before speaking into an intercom. "Excuse me new fighter. Can you please tell everyone in the room who you are?"

"We already know Richards." Garnet stated. "Meet Stevonnie, a fusion of well, Steven and Connie." she introduced the kids' fusion before they cut her off. "Let me take over Garnet." Stevonnie suggested. "In case you couldn't tell, a fusion combines multiple aspects of its fusees, like appearances for example." they explained. "And abilities too. Like so."

To demonstrate, they summoned Steven's shield following by swinging Connie's sword about. "So in short, you're basically two cute kids standin' on top of each other to form a non-binary lookin' person?" the Thing remarked. "Whatta strange development!"

"Fusion? Interesting." Lapis muttered to herself with her back turned to Peridot. "Uh, why would you say that Lapis? You know you've had bad experiences with fusion!" the green Gem asked. "Do you mind little one?! I'm trying to think!" the taller Gem shouted harshly, giving Peridot a fright. "Something just isn't right! Who are you?!"

"We shall focus on your friend later child." Colossus stated as he picked Peridot up and walked away with her, leaving Lapis alone. "I assume you are very close?" he asked. "Indeed we are." Peridot remarked. "We've had our conflicts in the past, but overall we're very good friends or maybe something more. But still, she never called me little one before and hasn't acted like that since we were first getting to know each other."

"You are correct. Something must be wrong." Piotr agreed. "I suggest we keep our heads down and see what happens."

* * *

As for Stevonnie, they had just finished going a few rounds with both Cyclops and Jean before finding themselves getting tired out. "Okay, let's take five for a bit. I'm beat." they announced, officially splitting back into Steven and Connie. "You two work very well together." Scott remarked as he helped the kids up. "Are there any more fusions we should know about?"

"Well, there's Ruby and Sapphire for example." Wolverine stated, cuing Garnet to split up into the married Gems. Ruby's headband was now a shiny orange color, she now wore brown pants and the top part of her torso was the same color. Sapphire's dress was currently covered by a light blue vest with navy lining underneath a white top with much pointier sleeves than before.

"AAAWWW! Aren't you two just the cutest?!" Cannonball squealed at the sight of the two. "You're right, these funky little lesbians are just so small!" Kitty exclaimed. "Oh you're too kind." Sapphire giggled and blushed. "Anything else we should show you?"

"Yeah, you got any more fusions?" Laura asked. Without any hesitation, Ruby, Sapphire & Steven merged into a new fusion that looked like a giant sun wearing sunglasses. "Sunstone is in the house baby!" Sunstone proudly announced, following up by offering everyone a high five. "How has everyone been doing lately?!"

"T-this can't be real, can it?" Cyclops gasped at the friendly fusion. "Don't be so alarmed buddy." Sunstone exclaimed. "It's always nice to meet new people. But if those new people do anything to make you uncomfortable, that's NO GOOD!"

"Why are you talking to the wall?" Beast asked Sunstone after they had given an important life lesson to seemingly nothing in particular. "No matter. Could you perhaps show us your abilities?"

"With pleasure sir." Sunstone accepted the offer and made a pair of suction cups appear, using them to climb up the wall. "And another thing, don't forget to respect your elders!" they added. "Oh god, this new one is just like Wade." Wolverine face-palmed. "Who's Wade?" Bismuth asked, to which she was met with a terse "You don't wanna know bub!"

* * *

Meanwhile in the mansion above, classes had finally got out and the students of the X-Men were ready to call it a day. "How come none of us have ever heard of these Gem creatures before?" Hisako Ichiki asked her friends. "Which one do you think is your favorite? I think mine's the big one with the rainbow hair." Megan Gwynn also inquired. "I find the little green one very funny." Sooraya Qadir answered. "And so cute to-"

Suddenly, a loud knock came from a nearby closet. "Anyone else hear that?" Dust exclaimed. The knocking sounded again. "It's coming from over there!" The three mutant girls proceeded to investigate, opening the closet to find a blue-skinned woman tied up and gagged. "Is that one of them?" Armor shouted as she freed the girl from her restraints, and she only had one question. "Where's Peridot?"

"Are you talking about the tiny one Sooraya said was her favorite?" Pixie wondered. "Last I checked, she went with our teachers to the Danger Room." Faster than the three mutants could see, Lapis zoomed off to the training room. "Please tell Peridot I find her hilarious!" Dust called after the water Gem, but her words barely reached her.

* * *

"Okay, I do believe we've seen enough!" Xavier called to Sunstone from the viewing box. "Don't want anyone to get crushed if you fall!"

"You got any pyrotechnic abilities Sunstone?!" Johnny exclaimed. "If you do, then I think we might have a little competition!" Sunstone was quick to correct the Human Torch however. "I do believe I haven't tried that out yet." they remarked, then they made the suction cups disappear from their hands and landed on the floor with extreme bravado. "Thank you, thank you very much!"

"Ugh, showboat. You kinda remind me of another fireman." the Lapis Lazuli that Peridot believed might not be the one she remembers snarked. "Am I the only one who's noticing how different Lapis is?!" Peridot exclaimed. "I haven't seen you act like this since we first moved in together! What gives?"

"I'm just not impressed, that's all." Lapis growled. "Something tells me we got a spy around here." Mr. Fantastic announced as he, Susan, Xavier, Moira and Doug entered the Danger Room. "Tell me Ms. Lazuli, what can you tell us about the disappearance of the ocean a while back?"

"Oh well, they just vanished. That's all." Lapis answered while fidgeting with her hands. "I know a liar when I see one!" Ben growled. "And by my great aunt Petunia, you definitely look like a liar!"

"That's because she is!" another Lapis exclaimed racing into the Danger Room and scowling at her double. "So, what thinks you can snatch me out of that elevator and take my place?!" she argued. "Who are you talking about? I am the real deal!" the other Lapis stated flamboyantly. "Loyal member of the Crystal Gems and this little Peridot's dearly beloved!"

"Oh yeah, well which one of you likes this?" Steven declared before he began making fart noises with his mouth, causing the first Lapis to laugh and the second to smack her face in embarrassment. "What an absolute child." she groaned. "AHA!" Peridot cried. "Now we know who the real one is!"

"I AM!" the pair of Lapises exclaimed in unison. "Oh please Mystique, you can use your powers better than this." Xavier tutted disdainfully. "It's almost like you're passing yourself off as incompetent to annoy us."

"Of course it had to be you to expose me." the second Lapis growled as she began to change form. Unlike Gem shapeshifting, she didn't glow as her eyes turned an empty yellow, her hair was dyed red, scales appeared on her face & arms and Lapis's clothing was replaced with a white leotard that came with matching boots, gloves and a shawl kept together with a skull. She was no longer Lapis Lazuli, but instead her true identity as the shapeshifter Mystique. "Frankly, we knew this part of our plan wouldn't end well."

"We?" Steven asked, but the X-Men knew exactly who she was talking about. "The Brotherhood!" Iceman shouted when the alarms sounded. "Oh hey, speak of the devil." he muttered bemusedly. "No offense Kurt."

"No time to talk, we must go now!" Nightcrawler commanded while Mystique made a break for it. "You are exactly right Wagner." Scott declared. "X-Men, let's move out!"

* * *

Where the proud front doors to Xavier's school once stood, now there was only a hole created by a massive man dressed in red, most notably a large helmet covering his entire head. "Okay ya walkin' talkin' rock candy, where are you?!" Cain Marko, better known as the Juggernaut, roared. "It's a good thing Mystique planted that hearing bug on herself just in case." his amphibious partner Toad added. "I just can't wait to see those pebbles for real!"

"Hello boys." Mystique greeted her fellow mutants as she stepped out of the shadows. "I suppose you may have already gotten the news." she said. "Well I got worse news: they're after me." And Raven was right. The Crystal Gems came charging after the mutant and took up arms against the two new mutants. "And you two are?" Garnet asked.

"Pardon me for being so rude." Juggernaut stated. "You can call me the Juggernaut, bitch!" he roared. "And we're all from the Brotherhood of Mutants, here for that brat with the shield!"

"Let me guess, is this about my mom?" Steven asked, exasperated how most of his enemies come after him because of Rose Quartz. "No, we don't care about her! The master only wants you!" Mortimer hissed. "Now just come quietly and none of your rainbow friends will get hurt."

"No dice Kermit!" Amethyst shouted. "Steven, keep yourself away from these guys and get everyone to safety! The OG-3 got this handled!" she ordered the boy. "Right!" Steven accepted. "X-Men, I need you to help me find the students!"

As Steven led the mutants and the Fantastic Four away; Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl charged at Juggernaut, Toad & Mystique with weapons ready. "Do you wish to know the qualities of the mighty toad?!" Mortimer bragged as his long tongue tangled with Amethyst's whip. "Wait wait, I think I got this!" Amethyst exclaimed. "This can happen to them."

Suddenly, Amethyst tossed Toynbee around by her whip, still tangled with his tongue, and smashed him into the ground multiple times. "Okay!" Mortimer declared, getting more desperate with each pound. "I surrender! Same thing that happens to everyone else! Make it stop! I'm gonna be sick!"

"What business do you have coming here following us and replacing Lapis?" Pearl asked as her spear clashed against Mystique's knife. "We are simply in league with someone who wants that child's gemstone." Mystique replied. "He desires it for experimental purposes."

"If you think you can take Steven from us, then you got another thing coming!" Pearl howled protectively.

* * *

"Okay, that should be all the students." Cyclops announced while doing a headcount of the school's student body. "I swear, we should really increase defenses at some point and maybe build a stronger building."

"But I on the other hand believe the school being damaged builds character." Colossus responded. "So what can we do now guys?" Steven asked his fellow mutants. "I mean, is there any way we can just reason with these villains and make them leave the place?"

"Don't you go thinking some cutie pie words will just make us surrender pink brat!" a new mutant declared emerging from the dust & rubble. He looked very similar to Wolverine, but looked more feral with blank white eyes, crazy blonde hair and a red & brown costume. Beside him was a pale Japanese woman dressed in tight black leather that had an Oriental style to it. Also like Logan, they both had metal claws emerging from their hands.

"Creed. Oyama." Logan snarled at Sabretooth and Lady Deathstrike. "Looks like we almost got the whole Brotherhood here." Emma Frost implied. And just as she said so, a morbidly obese man in a blue singlet came rolling in using his fat body. "HOWDY TRAITOR!" the Blob shrieked. "And lookie here, we got us a good one!"

"Why don't you just hand over the boy and no one will have to get hurt?" a pyrokinetic mutant offered while standing alongside another member of the Brotherhood in steel blue armor who was causing the school to slowly fall apart. "Naw just kidding to be honest, someone is probably gonna get hurt no matter which side they're on!"

"Don't get too cocky John." the Brotherhood's earth-moving tactician Avalanche coldly reminded Pyro. "Now where could Tom be?"

"Right here gang! And guess who I found?" the plant controlling Black Tom Cassidy announced while having assisted Juggernaut, Toad & Mystique in detaining Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl with his vines. "Seriously, who are you crazy people?!" Lapis exclaimed in fright at just how one man was able to defeat three powerful Gems. "They're the Brotherhood of Mutants, a group of extremists dedicated to more violent ways of mutant peace." Jubilee exposited. "And by the way, what do you want now?!"

"They want Steven! I don't know why exactly, but they're working for someone who wants him for science junk!" Amethyst cried out. "That's not untrue runt." the Brotherhood's leader Magneto concurred while descending from the sky in a sphere of purple energy. "I do apologize for making this much of a scene but I implore you all, give us the child and you'll go free."

"You shall do no such thing Erik." Xavier boldly rebuked the master of magnetism. "Just who are you in alliance with?"

"Well, it should be someone quite familiar to some other guests of yours." Magneto answered while looking at Reed and company, who knew exactly who he was talking about. "Doom." Richards muttered in shock.

* * *

As the invasion of the mansion went on, a man dressed in green robes and silver armor watched everything play out through a holographic screen in his castle in the nation of Latveria. Its literally iron-fisted ruler Victor von Doom slouched in his throne as he watched the Brotherhood of Mutants contend with the Crystal Gems and their new allies before he got up and walked towards the screen. With a devilish grin that couldn't be seen through his emotionless mask, he traced a circle around Steven and let out a menacing laugh. "Soon child, your gemstone shall belong to Doom."

* * *

_At long last, chapter two is done! Yeah, tons of things got in the way of its creation like my bad habit of unintentional procrastinating along with a certain virus that's been ruining everyone's fun lately. But on the bright side, I've been able to get this out long after the grand conclusion of Steven Universe Future, so I'd have a lot to work with for future stories. But for now, stay safe out there in these trying times and stay tuned._


	3. Enter the Brotherhood

_AN: Sorry this took so long to come out readers. Coronavirus, online school and all that jazz just had me occupied for a good while. Hopefully you've been keeping yourselves entertained in the midst of this quarantine; I've gotten into Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated, Cardcaptor Sakura, Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic among others. Anyways, let's get back, at long last, to the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning of Gifted Youngsters (or just Xavier Institute or XIHLGY since that name might be a bit too long for some) and see how the Crystal Gems and their new allies can get out of this one!_

* * *

**Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants**

**Chapter 3: Enter the Brotherhood**

A few hours prior to their invasion of Professor Xavier's school, the Brotherhood of Mutants sat around a table examining the exploits of the Crystal Gems to get a good idea of what they'll be getting into. "Don't ya think we're in over our heads?" Juggernaut asked his fellow mutants while watching video footage of Lapis stealing the ocean. "I mean, one of them can literally use 75% of the planet to kill us all!"

"The blue one may have the strongest power, but she is also rather emotionally fragile." Black Tom remarked. "In fact, all of them are pretty unstable once you think about it. Insecure, dependent, obsessed, haughty, cowardly, hotheaded..."

"Quit with the psychology stuff Tommy!" Pyro exclaimed out of boredom. "What I wanna know is how could they brainwash three world-destroying monarchs so easily? Could the same happen to us too?!"

"Well, the boss maybe." Sabretooth answered. "Speaking of which, where is he?"

However when Creed wasn't looking, the master of magnetism was standing behind him with Mystique at his side. "Lemme guess, he's standing right behind me."

"How could you guess? Do you have psychic abilities like Xavier?" Mystique snarked as she sat down next to the clawed mutant. "I've been discussing plans with Erik for the past few minutes, plans on how to infiltrate these Gems. He chose the water-controller as the one I should masquerade as since it would require that I retain my usual skin color."

"He's got a good point, but why are we hunting these down in particular?" Avalanche wondered. "Is it because of how celebrated they became for allying with the Avengers?"

"Not quite everyone." Magneto revealed. "Our current ally Doctor Doom wants the child's gemstone for the purpose of creating his own army of half-Gem warriors. And taking care of them will be so fulfilling for me after Rose had left me all those years ago."

* * *

In the present day, the Brotherhood had begun their assault on the Crystal Gems, with their archenemies the X-Men caught in the crossfire and the Fantastic Four as well. The mansion was left damaged in their arrival and the Brotherhood now has the heroes surrounded.

"Now my friends, are we going to make peace by handing the child to me or must we resort to drastic measures?" Magneto purred threateningly, holding out his hand and expecting someone to shake it.

"Like we'll ever let you have Steven!" Garnet stated. "Just a few weeks ago, he was nearly captured in a situation similar to this one, and we refuse to let it happen again."

"So when I want to do what's right, you try to fight back." Erik pointed out. "Yet when those three Diamonds plotted to destroy Earth, you let them off scot-free simply because they were mourning a bratty child that was no better than them? The hypocrisy is quite strong here!"

"Can we just cut the blabbing about our morality and fight already?!" Amethyst complained while wriggling free from Black Tom's vines and pouncing on Toad, tying his tongue around his eyes to blind him. "Why are you always targeting me?!"

With that, the battle properly began. The Crystal Gems charged at the Brotherhood of Mutants with the X-Men and Fantastic Four by their side, tearing up the mansion even more.

During the chaos, Morph snuck around the battlefield in the guise of Garnet and tackled Sabretooth from behind, sitting on top of both his arms. "You little shit, get offa me!" Victor exclaimed in agony while Morph then took the form of Groucho Marx. "I'd have you cry uncle, but you don't really have one as far as I know." He quipped while pretending to hold a big cigar.

Meanwhile Steven & Connie had formed into Stevonnie to gain a better advantage over Magneto, but he used psionic shields against their sword. "Gem fusion! I remember that quite well!" the master of magnetism recalled. "Garnet and Amethyst fused much like you to tear Auschwitz apart."

"Auschwitz?! You mean the Nazi concentration camp?" Stevonnie asked. "You must've been one of the Jews locked up there, right?"

"Indeed, me and my parents as well." Erik answered. "But alas, I wasn't one of the lucky ones."

* * *

It was October 7, 1944, towards the end of World War II when Erik's mutant powers awakened. When his mother was heartlessly shot dead by the scientist Klaus Schmidt, Erik promptly went berserk with a loud cry of "NEIN!" followed by manipulating every metallic object in the room, even crushing a pair of army helmets and the heads of the Nazis wearing them.

Klaus was excited at Erik's potential, but his joy turned to fear when a loud crash was heard before a massive purple flail burst through the roof of his office. "Mein gott." The mutant ally of the Third Reich muttered in awe of Sugilite. "Hey small fry!" the brutish fusion grinned while grabbing Schmidt by the collar with two large fingers. "Why don't you try picking on someone your own warped fascist government?!"

"Please let me go!" Klaus begged for mercy. With a toothy smirk, Sugilite gave her word and dropped the man back through the hole made in his roof, landing Klaus on his desk and making him too injured to get up. "Puny Nazi." Sugilite sneered before separating into Garnet and Amethyst.

"Bitte, hilf mir." The boy who would become Magneto croaked while crawling out from underneath the rubble, mildly injured but thankfully not comatose. "Bunte damen, hilf!"

Unfortunately, his voice was too hoarse for anyone around to hear. Not even the Nazis carrying away the bodies of his mother and Klaus were able to pay attention to the young mutant. "Is anyone else in here?" the voice of Rose Quartz called out as she stepped into the ruined office. However, she was able to find a certain young man pinned under pieces of ceiling. "Are you okay young man?"

Still hoarse, Erik was unable to give his name to the Gem. "Hallo, mein namen ist Rosenquartz." Rose introduced herself in some sloppy German. "Kannst du mich verstehen?"

"Rose!" the commanding tone of Captain America distracted her for a bit. "You have to come with me, they're bringing reinforcements from HYDRA!" he urged the Crystal Gem leader. With a small gasp, Rose turned back to Erik with some comforting words. "Don't worry little one." She assured him in English. "I'll be back for you soon."

But unfortunately for Erik, she never did.

* * *

"So you're hunting us down partially because Rose forgot about you?" Stevonnie asked. "Honestly, I'm not really surprised."

"I remember what happened that day!" Pearl exclaimed. "Rose couldn't come back for you because she was poofed during the battle and we had to retreat. I am truly sorry we were unable to make do on her promise."

"Sorry just won't cut it!" Magneto boomed, pinning Pearl to a wall with a steel beam using his powers. "And no matter how much she tried to make amends when we met again, I still never forgot."

* * *

Nearly twenty years later in 1963, the Crystal Gems were touring the city on a sunny day when they found a large group of people gathered before a stage, where a man made a speech. "What are those guys doing?" Amethyst asked her fellow Crystal Gems. "I'm not sure, but I believe we should get a better look." Garnet answered.

As the Crystal Gems blended into the rather blasé crowd, the man continued speaking. "Despite the fact that you lauded such beings as the late Captain America, you also hypocritically look down upon mutants for possessing similar abilities."

"Uh actually sir," a young news reporter with a fake toothbrush mustache spoke up. "There is a clear difference. Captain America was given his powers by science to help win the war. Mutants on the other hand were born with their powers that could go out of control if pushed too far."

"Did anyone ask for your opinion boy?" the man boomed as he glared at the reporter. "Please don't take it out on me sir, I'm just a young reporter!" the newsboy nervously squeaked and then high-tailed it out of there. "But thanks for the story menace!"

"Hmph, children." The speaker rolled his eyes before returning to his speech, or he would've had he not found a familiar face joining his audience. "Wait, I remember you!" he shouted. Using his magnetic abilities, he pushed the spectators away by forming a path straight to Rose using the steel fence that once separated them. "Rose Quartz. How have you been coping with the captain's demise?"

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Rose asked the mutant. "Of course you'd forget about me." He replied. "I am known as Magneto, the master of magnetism! But I'm sure you'd at least remember me calling myself Erik."

"Oh my goodness, Erik?!" Rose exclaimed. "I am so sorry I didn't come back to you like I promised! There was HYDRA coming for us at Auschwitz, I just didn't have time and-"

"I believe that's enough!" Magneto roared before he proceeded to use the fences against Rose. "You have forgotten me at the camp, and now I shall make sure everyone forgets you!" He tossed the fences at the Gem, but Garnet & Pearl quickly deflected them. "Stay away from her!" Pearl called. "Amethyst, get everyone out of here while we take this one on!"

Amethyst gave a comical salute before she rounded up all the human spectators with her whip and dragged them to safety. "I see how it is." Magneto boomed. "You are just like all of them."

"No, you don't understand Magneto!" Garnet stated. "We've actually met and fought alongside a few mutants before! There was this Canadian one during the war, and we even met En Sabah Nur as well! The Crystal Gems value all life on Earth, whether they be ordinary humans or otherwise!"

"You can try to rope yourself into my good graces all you want Gems!" Erik growled. "Because nothing can ever change the past!"

* * *

"That fateful battle was how we first met Xavier. He had an older team of X-Men that saved us from him." Amethyst recalled. "Speaking of which, where could they be now?"

"Wrong time, wrong place!" Sunspot exclaimed while he fired a blast of solar energy at Juggernaut, who was unfazed. "Could this get any worse today?!"

"As a matter of fact, it can." Mystique replied sharply, snapping her fingers to summon a pair of massive blue and purple robots that towered over pretty much everyone. "Pink gem detected, pink gem detected!" the machines noted in unison. "Bring boy to Doom immediately!"

"Sentinels?!" Jean exclaimed. "And it seems this time, they've been modified to hunt him down!" Emma replied as the Sentinels held out their hands to trap Steven in a forcefield. "Guys, a little help?" he called out from inside his prison. "I can't seem to get out!"

"STEVEN!" the Crystal Gems screamed while the Sentinels slowly took off into the sky with the boy in tow. "Don't worry Steven, I'll save you!" Kitty exclaimed. "Storm, give me a boost!"

"You got it!" Storm replied, grabbing the younger mutant by the waist and lifting her up high with her flight abilities. When she was let go, Kitty leaped at the Sentinels and used her phasing powers to pass through the forcefield to rescue Steven. "Don't worry little guy, I got you!"

"Thanks Kitty, but I think we might be too late." Steven thanked sorrowfully, making his new friend look up to discover that the Sentinels were headed for a large airship above them. "Aw crud." Kitty smacked her face in irritation. "Guess I walked into that one."

"Now they got Kitty too!" Scott shouted. "Yeah, I think we got the picture!" Lapis said. "Can't any of you fly up and save them?!" Morph suggested. "You seem to love ignoring obvious solutions!"

Lapis rocketed into the air as she was joined by Angel, Storm, Firestar and Human Torch with intents to rescue Steven & Kitty, but unfortunately they were quickly shot down by the Sentinels, still slowly making their way inside the Brotherhood's vessel and leaving the other heroes behind.

"Let this be a lesson to all of you Crystal Gems." Magneto declared. "You may think just saying sorry will instantly make everything better, but time will never make people forget." He surrounded his Brotherhood in his forcefield and lifted them all up to his ship. When the villains got inside, the ship sped away from the destroyed mansion.

"I can't believe we lost him, just like that." Pearl muttered while on the verge of tears. However, Reed was there to put a comforting rubber hand on her shoulder. "Don't fret, I think I might know where they're heading." Mister Fantastic declared. "They're working with one of our greatest enemies known as Doctor Doom, which means their next destination will be his kingdom of Latveria."

"Latveria? I've read about that place." Connie replied. "Very good that you know about this place Fraulein Connie." Colossus complimented her. "But still, the combined forces of Doom and Magneto might need more than just our three teams here."

"I think our first step would be calling the Avengers." Peridot suggested. "But they agreed to let us solve our own problems unless it was absolutely necessary we needed their help." Garnet responded. "Maybe at least a few of their reserve members would be useful, but not the whole team."

"I do know someone who can help us, but I don't think a few of us are going to like it." Colossus announced, much to Wolverine's irritation. "You don't mean?" Logan growled. "Da, exactly." Piotr replied with a nod and then he turned to Connie. "Connie, the X-Men now have a very special job for you."

"Whatever it is Mr. Colossus, the Crystal Temps will do what we can!" Connie said exuberantly as Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth and Nephrite assembled behind her with goofy grins on their faces.

"I admire your optimism malen'kiy. And please, call me Piotr." Colossus continued. "I cannot believe I am saying this, but we need you to find for us," he ordered her. "Deadpool!"

Wolverine giving a loud aggravated moan followed this up.

* * *

_Well, this sure took a while, hasn't it?_

_**Bitch, a while doesn't even cut it!**_

_Wait, Deadpool?! How did you get here?_

_**I came here to yell at you for prolonging my long-awaited proper debut for months now! Well I've had it up to here with your lazy-as-shit behavior! Next chapter, you better let me help you out or I'm taking that "ANDY ONLY" folder on your laptop for myself!**_

_You monster, I worked hard to build up that collection! Okay fine, you can help in parts. Deal?_

_**Deal! And what are you still doing here? Get the hell outta here until next chapter, The Deadpool and Peridot Show! Damn, that chapter title really rolls off the tongue.**_


	4. The Deadpool and Peridot Show

_AN: Welcome back to The Fantastic Mutants everyone. This is a very special chapter because here I have a co-writer, whether I like it or not._

_**Surprise everyone, it's me Deadpool! Since this kid refuses to get his writing done quickly, I've taken it upon myself to "help" him out since no one can understand me better than me. Now then, back to my cohost here.**_

_Yes, Deadpool of all people has decided to help me. Though I'd rather do all of this myself without any distractions._

_**Kinda like how this author's note is distracting us from the actual main event! Now let's just get this rolling already!**_

* * *

**Steven Universe and The Fantastic Mutants**

**Chapter 4: The Deadpool and Peridot Show**

**GUEST-STARRING DEADPOOL, IN CASE YOU COULDN'T TELL!**

We begin on a talk show set in a blank white space, inhabited solely by a drop-dead handsome mercenary dressed in a beautiful shade of red with hints of black that was currently tearing it apart for no good reason. You know him, you love him, it's the sexiest anti-hero to have ever graced this dying industry, Deadpool.

"Thank you, thank you all!" yours truly bowed for an unseen audience as he finished tearing the set apart. "Now if all y'all have been lying under a rock since like, I don't know, '91, I am known as Wade Winston Wilson. I was created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Niecieza for The New Mutants #98 in February 199-"

"**Wade, I believe everyone knows who you are already."** My white thinky-box, represented by a bold underline, cut me off. **"You're already an Internet legend and of course, there's Ryan Reynolds."**

"_Can we just can the prologue already?"_ my yellow thinky-box, also represented by underlining but this time it was in italics. _"There's gotta be people coming here solely for us who don't know what's going on."_

"Okay wiseguys, you asked for it." the man who looked like a cross between Ryan Reynolds and a Shar-Pei underneath that creepily adorable mask replied. "So in case you guys are just joining us, this is a crossover with the modern classic with some of the most psycho fans in the Internet, Steven Universe." I explained. "Last chapter, our smol sunshine baby of a protagonist was kidnapped by the Master of Magnetism Magneto for some most likely evil science experiment by our favorite evil dictator with a superiority complex to compliment his tiny dick, Doctor Doom. In response, the Crystal Gems have decided that they need more hands on deck, and more characters than this story already needs."

"_What does he want this to be, the DC Extended Universe?"_

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you buddy." I called the dialogue box out. "Our author here has had experiences with those fans. If that Englishman can think he's free to call MCU fans Marvel Zombies, than he's free to have his own opinion. But someone that fanatical deserves to be called something similar, like a DCheep! Get it, because he's a sheep!"

"Can we please move on? This recap has already taken up two pages and I got real-life things to do." The author begged Wade.

"Okay, okay! Let's get this started already, keep your pants on!" the masked macho-man declared, marching off stage in an alluring fashion. "Cue scenery!"

* * *

Not too far from Westchester County, there was a shitty apartment where dwelled the hideously scarred human mutate, Wade Wilson. He was out like a light after the badass battle to the death he totally had last night, no joke. Not even a chimichanga could wake him up, and he didn't care that much for them. Yeah, no joke.

"Come on you sack 'a crap, wake up!" his blind, black, elderly roommate Blind Al groaned while fishing Wade out of bed with a snow shovel. "How much off-screen carnage puts you this much to sleep?"

"Enough for readers to get a glimpse of what I do in my spare time." Deadpool declared as he woke up, looking like he had a fantastic night's sleep. "Morning Al, off to do a crossover, see ya later!" he hurriedly greeted the old woman before leaving his room.

"Should I tell him he's not wearing pants?" Al muttered to herself. "Naw, he'll figure it out himself."

* * *

And figure it out he did. Immediately after that scene, Deadpool was wandering around the street fully clothed and ready to get this chapter over with.

"**So, can we have our co-stars please show themselves?"**

The author complied by dropping Connie, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth and Nephrite into the scene. "Wait, how did we get here?" Peridot wondered aloud. "And who are you?"

"Ooh, I get to hang with everyone's favorite character!" Deadpool cheered. "I've been writing up jokes about the fans I've been wanting to say for quite a while." He added to the readers while searching his hammerspace for cue cards. "Let me see, Molotov cocktail, big-ass cartoon bomb, reminder to sue Marvel & Capcom for leaving me out of Infinite, God knows how many machine guns."

"Uh, while you're looking for whatever it is you want, let me introduce myself." Connie introduced herself. "My name is Connie, pleased to meet you."

"**Hey, can you put your cue-card search on hold and say hi to the kid?"**

"Ah, here they are!" Deadpool declared as he fished a series of flashcards from seemingly his butt. "Been wanting to do this for ages." He said before clearing his throat, and he began to read off of them.

"Here are some complaints I have heard about Steven Universe. Complaint #1: literally no one can stay on-model because storyboarding is the devil. Complaint #2: Rebecca Sugar is a total butchphobic abuse supporter because she treats Jasper like crap and lets Lapis off the hook despite the fact that she's even worse."

"**Please note that these are clearly not the opinions of the author. He's just been around Tumblr a lot and knows just how these so-called 'fans' think."**

"Who said that?" Bismuth wondered aloud. "Oh hey, Bismuth!" Wade exclaimed as he just took notice of her. "That reminds me, Complaint #3: Making Bismuth an antagonist in any way, shape or form is racist because all minorities are pretty little angels than must be defended at all costs despite the facts that we're all human beings who have the potential to be complete balls to the wall sociopathic!"

"_Okay, now you're just being used as a mouthpiece for the author. Hey buddy, can you stop him by introducing your version of the X-Force?!"_

As a way to shut him up, the writer dropped the X-Force into the current scene on top of Deadpool. Their members, aside from Wilson, consisted of big names like Cable, Domino, Bob & Psylocke, to those who are only familiar to movie-watchers like Copycat, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Bedlam & Shatterstar, and even Outlaw & Fantomex!

"How did we get here?" Cable asked the other black-ops mutants as he got up. "Oh hey Natey, knew you'd come along sooner or later!" Wade greeted his cybernetic compadre. "I was just getting myself introduced to these characters that we'll be paired up with for this crossover."

"Hi, I'm Bob, Wade's best friend!" the HYDRA agent Bob cheerfully introduced himself. "Name's Domino." Neena Thurman responded.

"A pleasure to meet you, dearest jeune fille bleue." Fantomex greeted Lapis in a gentlemanly fashion. "You may call me Fantomex. "

"Charmed." Lapis replied.

"**Wow, everyone wants Lapis! First Fandral, and now Fanto.**"

"_Can you blame her? She's the writer's fave and top SU waifu!__ Favoritism much?_"

"Name's Negasonic Teenage Warhead." Ellie Phimster introduced herself. "This here is Yukio." She added gesturing to a Japanese girl with pink hair and a big smile. "Hi there!"

"I'm Wade's girlfriend Vanessa, though a lot of people call me Copycat since that's my power." Vanessa stated. "Yeah, totally original."

"Call me Bedlam." Bedlam stated. "And this here is Shatterstar. Unlike the rest of us, he's an alien from the Mojoverse."

"And finally, these are Outlaw and Psylocke." Shatterstar gestured to the cowgirl and the ninja in the one piece. "Nice to meet ya." Inez Temple greeted. "Indeed." Betsy Braddock added.

"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Deadpool asked Connie. "Don't give too much away, cause I already got a basic knowledge of what happened last chapter."

"Chapter?" Connie tilted her head in confusion. "Steven was kidnapped only an hour ago! What do you think this is, some kind of story?"

"You'd be surprised Girl-Who-Wasn't-Actually-Dressed-As-Gohan-In-That-One-Episode." The Merc with a Mouth grinned underneath his mask. Before anyone could move on however, a stereotypical overweight nerd who looks like he doesn't get out much wheeled in on an automated scooter with a plate of brownies in front of him. "And you are?"

"I am simply an SU Critical that wants to congratulate you for making my voice heard." The nerd congratulated Deadpool. "As a way of saying thanks, have some brownies."

"_I get it! Deadpool won some brownie points!"_

"**Don't explain the joke dumbass. The punchline should be coming up now."**

As Wade snacked on the brownies, he came to realize something was wrong with them. "Hey wait a second. Yo, stereotype! Why do these brownies taste like literal dogshit?!"

"That's my secret ingredient!" the nerd revealed, much to Wade's disgust and he angrily tossed the brownies on the ground. "It's to symbolize how I believe Steven Universe has gone bad ever since the barn arc ended since absolutely nothing can compare to the amazing character development Peridot got!"

"Oh, it's so nice to see someone notice my splendidness!" Peridot blushed as she felt humbled by the nerd. "Of course, then they had to devolve her into a mindless comic relief who only-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINDLESS COMIC RELIEF YOU CLOD?!" the small Gem shrieked furiously before she pounced on the basement dweller and began choking him. "I'll teach you to talk back to me immediately after giving my praises you hypocrite!"

As Peridot continued assaulting the nerd, everyone else watched in either shock, bemusement or in Deadpool's case, pride. "I think I want to be her new bestest friend already."

"But I thought we were friends!" Bob weeped sadly while Bedlam gave him a comforting pat on the head.

* * *

"_And now it's time for a cutaway gag!"_

"**Cutaway gags? You gotta be kidding me, we're not Family Guy!"**

"_Just let the writer do his thing man, it's his imagination!"_

* * *

"Come on Willy, I know you can do it!" a child version of Deadpool called to a whale in a scene that is clearly a reference to a certain all-time classic "Boy and his non-human friend" story. However just as Willy finally leaped over the rock Wade was standing on, he was immediately harpooned in midair and dragged towards a pirate ship manned by Captain Ahab. "Hey, wrong whale story Habbo Hotel!"

"After so many years of searching, that accursed whale is now mine to profit off!" Ahab and his crew celebrated their capture. "I'm talking sequels and an animated series to start, but the sky's the limit!"

"This ain't the last you'll see of me Old Thunder!" Wade cursed the sea captain as he made off with his prize. "I'll bring that whale home, just you wait!"

* * *

"**Okay, that's a pretty unique idea for a gag. But seriously, back to the show."**

* * *

"So, we're here because Magneto has kidnapped Steven with a bunch of Sentinels." Connie recapped to Deadpool while they were out and about in the city. "Now that you know what we're doing, can you tell us what you do?"

"I'm glad you asked Connie." Deadpool declared. "Allow me to explain the only way you Steven Universe characters probably know how. IN SONG!"

"**Wait, a musical number, in a fanfiction?! Seriously?!"**

"_Hey shut it, this is gonna be good!"_

"Lights please." Wade announced, shutting off the lights with a snap of his fingers, and turning them back on with another snap. He was now dressed as an Elvis impersonator with Cable, Domino, Bob and Copycat as his band. "What song do you plan on playing?" Vanessa asked her boyfriend.

"Just watch and listen." Wade responded, and began playing a parody of a classic movie song. "Here I go!" he started singing while Cable provided backup on the drums. "Woo! Ah-ha, ah-ha, let me show you what I work with!"

"_Well Gambit was in league with a bunch of thieves, Cyclops has almost two thousand tales!_" For his first act of insanity, the Regenerating Degenerate made about fifty longboxes filled with comics appear for Peridot & Lapis to rifle through. As soon as they discovered one with Wade fighting a vampire bat creature on the cover titled "Deadpool: The Gauntlet," the Deadpool on the cover continued the song.

"_Well my friends, you're in luck_ _cause up your sleeves, you got a kind of guy that never fails!_" After Deadpool emerged from the issue Peridot was holding, he shot down various villains emerging from the other comics while singing.

"_You got a real badass in your corner now, a real Wolverine type in your camp!_" he then demonstrated by transforming his face into that of Logan's and then back again before letting bullets rain from above. "_He can shoot, kablam! Bullets galore, all you gotta do is say my name!_" Wade crooned. "_And I'll say:_ 'Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?'"

As he sat the Gems down on a beach blanket, Deadpool then assumed pirate attire and set a heavy treasure chest on the ground. "_Just give me a guy and I'll shoot him down, you ain't had a mercenary like me!_"

Peridot began to excitedly open the chest while Lapis rolled her eyes. "Life's like a treasure chest," Wade's disembodied voice continued. When the treasure box was opened, the mercenary exploded out of it and made gold fly everywhere. "_AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR KEY!_"

Unlike her smaller partner, Lapis was still not amused. "C'mon, whisper to me what you want," Wade kept crooning, followed by splitting himself into four smaller Deadpools. "_You ain't had a mercenary like me!"_

"_Contractors pride ourselves on service." _One of the mini-Wades stated, and then they merged into the prime Wilson while spawning a lavish couch for his two guests. "_You girls the hoss, the queens, the Shah! No matter what you wish, I'll be your bitch! How 'bout a few chimichangas?"_

"_Have some of Sample A, try all of Sample B!" _Following the chimichanga rain, Peridot and Lapis were handed free samples at a supermarket before they found themselves on a velvet pillow held by Wade. "_Anytime, any day, I'll help you babes. You ain't had a mercenary like me!_"

A brief dance number then ensued between Deadpool and his hands. His left hand vocalized and the degenerate replied with an "Oh my!" When the right hand started singing, it was responded with "No no!" Both hands harmonized and they got a "Ha ha ha!" They sandwiched Deadpool between them as he peaced out with a "Zip-a-dee doo-dah!"

When Deadpool returned, he pointed straight at Peridot. "_Give me a good badda-yadda-yadda!_"

"_Badda-yadda-yadda_!" Peridot excitedly repeated. "_Good, scotty-wop!" _Wade then pointed to Lapis. Her reply was more unsure. "_Uh, scotty-wop?_"

"_Everybody now_!" Deadpool compelled the readers. "_Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo_!"

"_Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo_!" the readers answered excitedly.

"Yeah, y'all got it!" Wade congratulated before proceeding to demonstrate his healing factor. "Can your friends do this?" he asked, casually dislocating his arms. "Can your friends do that?" he added, ripping out his spinal cord to bounce on it like a certain stuffed tiger. "Can your friends pull this?" With that, Wade tore his skeleton out of his body and started dancing the Charleston with it. "Out a little hat?!"

Suddenly, Wade's skeleton started filling itself with dynamite sticks on the verge of exploding. "CAN YOUR FRIENDS GO-" The human mutate was interrupted as the TNT exploded, and the clouds gave way to him beatboxing while doing a silly dance.

"Call me the Merc with a Mouth, I am always there. North, West, East and South! So don't sit there slackjawed, all buggy-eyed! I'm here to answer all ya evening prayers!" he continued. "You got me bona-fide certified! A hired gun for your charge affair!"

"I got a powerful urge to help you out! So who's gonna die? I really need to know!" Deadpool said as the song began to reach its climax while pulling a long strip of paper from Peridot's mouth and began rubbing his bottom with it. "You got a list that's three miles long no doubt. So all you gotta do is pay-wayho!"

For the final setpiece, Peridot and Lapis now stood atop a mountain of dead Marvel characters that are so obscure, not even the most hardcore fans knew a thing about them. "Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?" Wade asked tunefully. Peridot then picked up one body, and its head suddenly turned into Deadpool's. "Anytime anyplace, I'll help you babes."

A few bodies rose from the dead, only for Deadpool to shoot them all down. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary." He concluded. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary."

Bullets once again began raining, along with all sorts of violent weapons as the song finally ended. "YOU AIN'T, HAD A, MERCE-NARY LIIIII-IIIIIKE MEEEEE!"

With the X-Force performing a kickline to finish things off, Deadpool pulled on a string dangling from above. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!" A flickering neon applause sign dropped down, capping off the rather pointless number.

* * *

"**Well, that was a waste of time that'll never be spoken of again."**

"_Sincerest apologies to Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and especially Robin Williams. He would've been 69 this year. NICE!"_

* * *

"Okay you generic-looking monster, time to discover who you truly are!" Connie declared to a captured Sasquatch while she, Peridot, Deadpool, Lapis and Cable were dressed as a certain band of meddling kids and their voracious canine pal. Connie ripped off the Sasquatch's head to reveal that it was a mask worn by an evil parrot with a scar across his face.

"Zoinks! Like, it's a parrot!" Deadpool declared in a beatnik voice. "Wait, a parrot? Is that all?"

"Far from it mein friends!" the parrot answered in a German accent. Suddenly, large robots kicked the walls around them down. "Behold, my Nazi robots!"

"N-Nazi robots?" Lapis stuttered. "Jeepers, this is just getting too weird."

Deadpool then glanced expectantly at Cable, who groaned while pushing up his glasses. "C'mon Cabey, say the line!" he exhorted the cyborg. With a heavy groan, Cable quietly said "Jinkies, run."

"He's right, let's split up gang!" Connie commanded, and the crew were off to the races. After passing by the same flowerpot approximately five times because there wasn't that much in the budget, the five came across a hallway littered with doors.

When Deadpool and Peridot burst into one door, they came out of another not too faraway, same with the others. However at the end of a door, they came across a blue digital ghost with yellow eyes & teeth and a grainy laugh.

"Ruh roh, rit's Rames Rarles the Rindly Rohnny!" Peridot exclaimed, making every word she spoke begin with R before she coughed. "How does anyone speak like this?" she asked Wade. "Because speech impediments are funny!" the mercenary replied. "Now let's move!"

"Seriously, why can't I be Fred?!" Cable complained while emerging from another door with Deadpool by his side instead of Lapis. "Connie gets the cool ascot, and all I'm left with is this bulky sweater and a short skirt!"

"Well for one, that skirt actually looks pretty cute on you." Wade answered with a stupidly cheeky grin on his face. Before anyone else could charge through more doors, zombie cats and dinosaurs that could move without thinking came charging in. "Wow, Scooby-Doo became a lot weirder than when I was a youngin."

* * *

Returning to the real world, the Crystal Temps and the X-Force have just plowed through an entire armed squadron inhabiting a conveniently abandoned office building and now had their leader tied up in a chair. "We ain't gonna let all those hallway fights amount to nothing!" Wade declared holding the squadron leader at gunpoint. "We've tried every torture technique in the book: eating your own food, threatening your family, doing a silly dance to some awesome music and yet still you won't talk!" he exclaimed. "So let me ask this again! What does the guy who gave Magneto & Doctor Doom those Sentinels look like?"

"What?" the gunman asked nervously, causing Wade to smash another wall. "WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?!" the mercenary shrieked. "What?" the captive continued squeaking. "WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF!" Deadpool yelled. "THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!"

"What?" the man said a third time. "ENGLISH MOTHER-" Deadpool began, but then he noticed the T-rating and groaned. "ENGLISH YOU BASTARD, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" he reiterated. "YES!" the gunman finally said something other than what. "THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Deadpool kept yelling. "WHAT DOES YOUR MASTER LOOK LIKE?!"

"We could just beat the info outta him and be done with it." Bedlam advised. "No need for all this Pulp Fiction parody crap."

"Was I talking to you?" Wade asked his teammate tersely before going back to his captive. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Does he look like a bitch?"

"Now you're just skipping lines!" the gunman squealed in defiance. "What else do you wanna do with me?!"

"Okay, I got another question for you." Wade stated. "Have you had your prostate exam lately?"

"What?" the gunman muttered, fearing what could come next. "In fact, I got just the girl to help me." Wade declared. "Hey Connie, your MILF of a mom is a doctor right? Surely you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, pretty much!" Connie answered. "Here, lend me your sword. We might need to operate." Deadpool said as he menacingly snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hey author, why don't we cut to another scene before this gets too violent?"

* * *

"Now then, what are we working with he-There it is!"

"AUGH!"

* * *

Elsewhere, a stereotypical shadowy figure watched from a large video screen as the X-Force tore through his mercenaries. "That masked maniac is onto us!" he growled quietly while pounding his fist on an armrest and turned his chair to face Ruckus, Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod & Slab, the Nasty Boyz. "You five track him & those rainbow women down and kill them all!"

"Yes sir." The Nasty Boyz complied and set off for the Merc with a Mouth. "Now where do you suppose the merc could be now?" Hairbag asked his fellow Boyz. "My best guess, he's probably at that Hellhouse run by Patch." the Southern-accented Slab theorized. "Hopefully they have room for his head as a trophy."

* * *

"Well here we are at Saint Margaret's School for Wayward Children." Deadpool decreed as he suddenly parked a limo that he totally always had in front of the mercenary dispatch center he loved frequenting. "I suggest you try not to look at some of its inhabitants funny, some of them can get a little ballistic."

Entering the bar, the two teams had all eyes on them by all the other mercs at the establishment. "Uh, hello there." Connie nervously greeted one of them. "I don't think you're old enough to be here little girl." The mercenary replied ominously. "Don't worry Jessica, they're with me." Deadpool told the larger man. "So, where's Weasel?"

"Right here old buddy!" the bespectacled bartender called for Wade. "Hey, Weasel!" Wade exclaimed to his old friend while sitting down at the bar and exchanging a fistbump. "I see you're doing well Poolboy." Weasel said to his friend. "And who's the green midget with you?"

"This is Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems." Shatterstar introduced Peridot. "Oh, you mean those rock ladies that creamed those Chitauri only to get creamed by Thanos?" Weasel asked, making Peridot pretty mad. "Hey, we creamed Thanos right back!"

"We're looking for information sir." Connie said to Weasel. "A friend of mine has been captured by Magneto & Doctor Doom using those Sentinel robots, and we want to know where they've come from."

"You want confidential info little girl?" the barkeep stated. "Go see Multiple Man over there at that poker table, he's usually the guy to talk to since he's a detective."

"**Yet one mystery he can't solve is the mystery of why he can never get his own movie.**"

"_ZING!_"

At a nearby poker table, Jamie Madrox and some of his duplicates were playing cards with the albino mutant Caliban, and the four Jamies clearly had the upper hand. "All in!" one of the clones declared shoving his chips into the pot. "I know you are cheating Madrox." Caliban informed his opponent. "I mean, there are literally four of you!"

Just then, Deadpool abruptly shot one of the clones dead and sat down where he once was. "Deal me in." he simply declared as if nothing happened. "Caliban welcomes you Mr. Pool." Caliban nervously greeted the regenerating degenerate. "And who is your little friend?"

"You may call me Peridot, the suave, attractive and positively adorable leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot introduced herself arrogantly. "So, you more members of the X-Men? Haven't seen you around the mansion."

"Actually, we're members of a different team of mutants." Madrox replied, while his surviving doubles sadly carried their dead comrade away. "There are actually quite a lot of them you see. X-Factor; the one we're a part of, X-Statix, Excalibur, Generation X, the Morlocks and most famously Alpha Flight."

"Half of them sound so late 20th to early 21st century." Peridot commented. "I mean, X-Statix? Talk about totally cool dudes!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Is this Saint Margaret's? We'd like to have a word with the owner." A voice came from the other side, catching all the patrons and employees off-guard. All was quiet, but then the Nasty Boyz came crashing through the wall instead of the door. "LET'S GET NASTY!" they all cried out, springing into action.

"Alright, what the shit is going on here?!" Bob "Patch" Stirrat, the elderly owner of Saint Margaret's growled, emerging from another room while stroking his big bushy mustache. "Oh god, it's the Nasty Boyz."

"The Nasty Boyz?" Peridot and Lapis repeated in unison before they laughed at the evil mutant team's name. Suddenly, the wood tables of the bar came to life and changed their form thanks to Ramrod, who used them to restrain everyone aside from Deadpool. "Okay boys, frisk him."

On Ramrod's orders, Gorgeous George used his shapeshifting powers to grab Wade by the ankles and dangle him above the ground. "Let's see what he's got here." Ruckus muttered, fishing through the belongings dropped as Wade was shaken up and down. "Various pistols, swords, nunchucks, staves, forks, a bazooka."

"Most of those were from a Ninja Turtles convention I went to last year." Wade revealed. "Don't know where the bazooka came from."

"Rubber chicken, five month old bag of pizza pockets; that are still warm," Slab continued for his teammate. "Ryan Reynolds's phone number, large collection of nude selfies from Thumbelin-WHAT?!"

To Slab's absolute shock and fury, he found an overfilled file of lewd pictures taken by his sister Kristina Anderson with her phone number on it, along with a message saying "I bet you want more, my raging sex machine!" Crushing the file in his hand, Slab furiously glared at Deadpool. "Wilson, you son of a bitch!"

"Geez Chris, I thought you had a sense of humor." Wade grinned cheekily. "After all, SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Then like Thor returning Mjolnir to his hand, the mercenary wiggled his fingers to call one of his katana blades back and free himself from Gorgeous George before rescuing his friends. "SSSSSSmokin'!" he hissed before spin-dashing out of the bar.

"After that degenerate!" Hairbag exclaimed while Slab frothed in wordless rage and the Boyz gave chase, leaving the bar in tatters. "Hey, which of you assholes is gonna clean this up?!" Patch exclaimed, but then he answered his own question by handing Weasel a broom.

* * *

"Everyone, to the Deadpoolmobile!" Deadpool exclaimed as the X-Force and Crystal Temps piled into the limousine from earlier. "Where did you ever get this car anyways?" Bismuth asked him, and he replied. "Don't think about it!"

Far across the city, Robert Kelly was left facepalming and a colleague of his scratching his head when they discovered that one of Kelly's limos was missing, its place taken by a graffiti message saying "I O U".

"I hate that Deadpool." Senator Kelly groaned.

* * *

"You get back here this instant you red-masked c-" Slab called for Deadpool as the Nasty Boyz chased them in a stolen taxi, but his cursing was cut off by Deadpool popping out the sunroof of the limousine to open fire on them.

"Wait, if Deadpool is up there, then who is driving?" Connie asked the group, and that's when Yukio made a shocking realization. "Oh my god, Demon Bear is driving!" she exclaimed pointing to a demonic bear that was taking the wheel. "How can that be?!"

* * *

"That's right folks, Lawrence Abrams is here to report that the insanely infamous insane mercenary Deadpool has started an intense car chase where he's hijacked a limo belonging to Senator Robert Kelly and is being chased by a group of other mutants called the Nasty Boyz." Lawrence Abrams said on the television at the Baxter Building, where Garnet, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine had now caught wind of the event. "And there's also some kinda bear driving the limo for some reason. Why's there a bear?! Who gives a damn! And now onto Sally Floyd with politics!"

"Deadpool." Colossus glowered in embarrassment. "Come my friends, we must go and handle this crisis ourselves." He declared while preparing to leave the building. "But you let Connie go on that mission for her optimism." Pearl stated to the metal mutant while setting Reed and Sue's young son Franklin Richards on the floor.

"We know Pearl, but that maniac is a whole 'nother level of unpredictable." Wolverine grumbled. "And there's a high chance Connie's life is at risk here! Right Garnet?"

"Logan is correct. I can see multiple paths where things go horribly wrong." Garnet agreed with Logan. "Oh, you're leaving already?" Franklin's older sister Valeria asked them. "Mom and Dad were just about to introduce you to H.E.R.B.I.E."

"It's alright Valeria, they still have friends to help." Susan assured her daughter. "Go on Gems, we'll catch up with you back at the mansion."

"It's been a pleasure to be shown around the Baxter Building and meeting the kids Sue." Pearl said gratefully and shook the Invisible Woman's hand. "I especially like how Franklin reminds me of Steven."

"Bye Ms. Pearl!" Franklin said goodbye by hugging the tall Gem's leg. "Oh, goodbye to you too Frank." Pearl replied. "Hey, what about me?!" the Four's AI H.E.R.B.I.E exclaimed irritably. "Don't I get anything to say?!"

* * *

"Oy Cain, you gotta check this out!" Black Tom called to Juggernaut while he was watching TV. The Brotherhood of Mutants had stopped to refuel their ship and Black Tom had run off on his own when he discovered a TV shop playing the same news report of Deadpool's car chase. "What say we give Deadpool an old one-two before Mags finishes up?"

"You son of a bitch, I'm in!" Juggernaut exclaimed eagerly, giving his teammate a fist-bump that knocked Tom to the ground. "You okay there?"

* * *

"We have your limousine surrounded! Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!" a police officer barked into a bullhorn as they had Deadpool and pals backed into a corner. "I would make a police brutality joke, but even I know that would be too soon." Wade said to the readers as he screeched the limo to a stop, making donuts on the street and damaging numerous police cars in the process.

"Okay, now you're just either showing off or defying us." The cop with the megaphone japed. Just then, a mighty thud briefly shook the ground. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Quit stalling writer, we know who it is! It's the goddamn Juggernaut!" Deadpool interrupted the third-person omniscient narrator. "Literally everyone and their goddamn long lost relatives know who he is!" The mighty Juggernaut continued inching closer to the fanboying mercenary while the police scattered out of fear of him and Peridot poked her head out the sunroof to see what was up.

"Uh, Wade?" the petite Gem squeaked nervously. "You know who that is right?"

"Didn't I just say that it's ol' Juggernaut?!" Wade exclaimed to his new best friend. "Oh, the things I could say about how much of a badass he is! This guy has beaten the shit outta Cyttorak, the Thing, Colossus, Blob & Thor and even called banging She-Hulk a stalemate! Maybe, that last one was actually a cl-"

Before Deadpool could finish the sentence, Juggernaut grabbed him by the neck with just two fingers and brought him very close to his helmeted face. "Hello Wade." He beamed callously. "Hey Cainy, is that new toothpaste I smell?" Deadpool greeted him nervously. "What flavor is it this time, Feeling Bad About Your Shitty Mutant Powers So You Get New Ones from Cyttorak?"

"Goddamn he went there." Black Tom muttered, only to receive a glare from his partner.

"Deadpool!" Garnet called for the Merc with a Mouth as she, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine entered the scene. "Oh, hey guys." Peridot nervously waved to her fellow Crystal Gems. "What brings you here?"

"We came here to take control of this current situation." Pearl explained. "No matter how much you want to swear and kill and all sorts of other crass activities, we still need your help in saving a friend of ours."

"I appreciate you want me to be more involved in this story Mordecai," Wade said to Pearl. "but can this wait a bit? I'm currently in the middle of worshipping the Juggernaut, bit-"

However within seconds, Deadpool was mashed into the ground by Juggernaut, leaving only a few scattered body parts lying in a puddle of blood. "Oh, so rude!" his disembodied head declared indignantly. "And to think we were buddies at one time Marky-Mark." He then turned to face the audience one last time before the degenerate would meet his not very possible untimely end. "But since I'm literally nothing but blood, my head, a few fingers, an upper arm and my dick right now, let's lighten the mood a little with some more gags, shall we?"

"**As if we didn't waste enough time already."**

* * *

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning." Deadpool declared as he flipped his last pancake and added it to the growing mountain of pancakes. "Smells like victory!"

"Why on Earth would you need this many pancakes?" Bismuth asked while Deadpool turned on the ceiling sprinklers to pour maple syrup all over each and every one of them at once. "Well, that's pretty clever I'll admit."

* * *

"Okay Peridot, ace this test and you're on the team!" Wade, now a coach for the girls' swim team comprised of Lapis, Bismuth, Domino, Warhead, Yukio, Outlaw, Copycat, Psylocke & Nephrite, announced to their soon to be newest member Peridot while she prepared to dive.

"This is it Peri, get this right and you'll make everyone proud!" Peridot muttered to herself while adjusting her cap and gazing at Lapis. As soon as Coach Wade blew the whistle, Peridot leaped into the water…and soon began struggling to keep herself afloat in a very exaggerated manner. "AAAAAGH, SOMEONE HELP! LIFEGUARD, COACH, SOS! THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" she shrieked for help before the chlorinated water won out and she sank to the bottom.

"I'll save you!" Cable roared while assuming the role of a lifeguard, preparing to jump in the water after her when Wade stopped him. "No no, wait for the punchline."

When Peridot finally breached the surface, she dramatically gasped for air and then frantically paddled towards the end of the pool, grabbing the ledge with a serious expression on her face. "So, how do you like my swimming?" she asked, acting like nothing had happened. However, no one else was there to answer except for Deadpool. "Hey, where did everyone go?!"

"They jumped ship an hour ago because they were tired of waiting." Wade answered. "But you still get on the team cause you really made me laugh."

* * *

"Gotta say Lapis, we got quite a team here." Deadpool remarked proudly to his fellow baseball player Lapis. "Uh, yeah, they're great." Lapis nervously replied while failing to get the joke. "So, who's on first?"

"Yeah, and what's on second." Wade responded eagerly. "No, I want to know who's on first." Lapis continued asking. "Exactly! We already established that who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is third."

"Wait, do you not know their names or are those seriously what they're called?" the ocean Gem asked, causing great irritation for her team captain. "Dammit Lapis, you spoiled the punchline!" he reprimanded her. "In fact, this whole Abbott and Costello tribute was just an excuse to see you dress up as Bob again! I mean, can you blame me with those shorts?"

"Abbott and who now?" Lapis remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really need to get out more." Wade deadpanned, lowering his eyelids in response.

* * *

"Welcome back one and all to Celebrity Jeopardy." Pearl announced, now dressed as Alex Trebek. "Now before we proceed, I'd like to apologize on the behalf of our contestants to all viewers with rather unusual lifestyles. We here at the studio refuse to judge anyone based on how they live, and sincerely hope you accept our apologies. Now then, let's proceed with our contestants."

Deadpool was in the podium closest to Pearl, now dressed as Sean Connery. "Mr. Connery is in first place with only -1 dollar." Pearl began recapping for the viewers at home. "About as many points as your mother gave you!" Wade cackled.

"Classy." Pearl responded crossly before shining the spotlight on Lewis Black, aka Peridot. "Mr. Black now has a score of, shockingly enough, -6,000 dollars." She explained, prompting the small Gem turned abrasive comedian to climb up on top of her podium in the middle. "Is that enough to buy my own bus?"

"And finally, Josh Brolin, now having raised 35 dollars." Pearl concluded while Juggernaut assumed the role of the aforementioned actor many may know as a certain Mad Titan. "I don't feel so good." Cain muttered. "Damn, walked right into that one!"

"Very well then. With introductions out of the way, let's move onto the board." Pearl stated, moving her eyes from the podiums to the categories. "Tonight our categories are Annals of History, Potent Potables, What Bulls Hit, Jokes, Popular Foreign Television, Places with Names Ending in 'Nia' and Video Games." Deadpool then pressed his buzzer. "Mr. Connery, you have the board."

"I'll take What Bullshit for $500 Al." Wade announced with a stupid grin on his face, clearly misreading the category he had chosen. "And I can tell you plenty of things that are bullshit."

"No, it clearly says What Bulls-" Pearl began to correct the masked contestant before she came to a realization. "Whoa! Okay, walked right into that one. Anyways, the question is: "It is commonly believed bulls are enraged by this color". Mr. Connery?"

"I'll tell you something I've hit recently." Deadpool chortled. "Hit up a few bars over the past week while hanging with your mom. She and I had a wonderful time, if you get what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge."

"I don't even have a mother!" Pearl ranted hotly. "And can we please return to what was happening earlier?! These pop culture references are nothing but a waste of time!"

"**Thank you!"**

"_Boldface, you ignorant slut."_

* * *

"Oh no, Wade!" Peridot yelled for Deadpool as she dashed out the limo to check on the puddle of blood and body parts that was once her new friend. "Please speak to us you clod, you can't die like this!"

"That's because I can't!" Deadpool proudly declared and in a beautiful Disney-like spectacle, slowly reassembled himself until he was the full-bodied lovable manic once again. "Healing factor baby! Got it when some asshole tried to cure my cancer, along with looking like a walking tumor."

"Uh hey, remember us?" the Nasty Boyz cried out in unison, catching the merc's attention. "Oh right, you guys. Gotta wrap up the chapter somehow." As a result, Wade opened fire on the evil mutants, shooting them in the arms, kneecaps and especially their dicks. "Oh and Bismuth, Peridot? You guys got Black Tom & Juggies. I'll take Garnet and Pearl!"

"You got it, I guess." Bismuth complied before she and her little friend squared off with Cassidy & Cain, leaving Wade alone against the senior Crystal Gems.

"Hey, what about us?" Lapis asked the writer, who responded by typing, "Didn't think that far ahead. You guys can just do crowd control."

"Okay Q-Bert and Drinking Bird," Deadpool exclaimed. "you two may have thousands of years of battle experience on your show but in terms of franchise ages, I've been doing this for far longer! There was even a graphic novel trilogy where an actually insane version of me killed the rest of Marvel, tons of classic literature characters and even other versions of me!"

"Do you have any idea what he's saying anymore?" Pearl asked Garnet. "I'm not sure. I fear he may be too unpredictable for us to comprehend!" Garnet answered fearfully. "You can try if you want." Deadpool beckoned them with a silly dance. "But I can assure you that hilarity will ensue!"

Pearl leaped at the Merc with a Mouth, but she was quickly denied a hit when Wade did a pirouette and kicked her in the back, sending her flying into a lamppost. "See, what did I tells ya?!"

Garnet tried her hand at attacking by enlarging her gauntlets & launching them at her foe, but they proved to be useless against him. Deadpool then rapidly fired his gun at Garnet, but she blocked all the bullets with her gauntlets and then finally moved so fast, not even Deadpool could catch her and was punched in the face.

"Wow okay, you got the guts!" Wade yelled while readjusting his head from the hit. "Seems like I really am a bit outmatched by you Garnet. Or maybe a certain someone just wants to make things fair!"

"Come on you maniac, what else can you throw at us?!" Pearl asked pointing her spear. "Oh what else can I throw?" Deadpool replied, letting out a sinister giggle while wearing a pair of shiny glasses and clasping his fingers together. "Let me show you!"

Whipping out his katana blades, Deadpool laughed maniacally while using them to tear the background apart, leaving nothing but a blank white space behind. "WELCOME CRYSTAL GEMS TO MY TURF! I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOURTH WALL, WHERE LOGIC IS JUST AS ILLEGAL AS JAYWALKING!"

"This is starting to remind me of that Uncle person." Pearl muttered in awe. "I thought we promised to never speak of that man again." Garnet instructed the former servant. "Well if he wants to make jokes and talk to the audience, then so can we."

When the two Gems joined hand, there was a bright shimmer as the pair merged into the returning glamorous Sardonyx. "Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in-between, the Gem Hostess with the Mostest has finally returned!" the fusion of Garnet and Pearl announced. "And it seems we have a very special guest star today."

"Sardonyx, huh?" Deadpool muttered while scrolling through the Steven Universe wiki for statistics. "Oh I see, she's here because we can both break the fourth wall!"

"A worthy opponent for you I must say!" Sardonyx chortled before smashing Deadpool in with her hammer. "Of course you realize this means war!" Wade roared, proceeding to whip out numerous cartoon guns, launching them all at once. "RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-RATA!" he screamed while launching lead at his fusion foe, following up with a declaration of "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"N-NANI?!" Sardonyx cried out in shock before she spontaneously combusted with a cry of "HIDEBU!" However, the explosion cleared up and she was perfectly fine. "Psyche! Hammer time!"

Before Sardonyx could hit Deadpool with the hammer again, he disappeared into a cartoon hole like it were a solid object and reappeared out another. "Ha, that Spot douche should take notes from-OH GOD!"

"Anyone up for Whack-A-Mole?!" Sardonyx exclaimed, proceeding to whack her opponent multiple times with her hammer before he vanished and popped out another hole. And another, and another, and another, and another, until the hiding began to tire him out. "Jesus she's good." Wade panted, and then he began to make a plan. "I swore that I would never use this the moment I stole it from those schmoes, but I'm left with no choice!"

Sticking a hand up his red-clad butt, Deadpool pulled it out while holding a small black jewel that seemed similar to the Infinity Stones. "Ough, I also swore to never use it again because looking for it is a literal pain in my ass!"

"That Infinity Stone isn't canon!" Sardonyx objected while sounding like a stereotypical nerd. "Oh it may not be canon my dear, but we're in the Fourth Wall where anything could happen." Deadpool explained deviously. "With this Continuity Stone, I could warp all reality to my whims! I could use it to go back in time and erase One More Day by preventing Civil War from happening, or maybe beat the shit outta that Judas Traveller prick and his butt-buddies! But what I plan on doing now is using this stone to erase you from this reality once and for all!"

"Oh no, I don't feel so good!" Sardonyx dramatically announced as she felt herself fading away. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" With that, the fusion finally vanished and presumably Garnet & Pearl as well. As Deadpool let out a heavy sigh, he suddenly realized that the Continuity Stone was now missing. "What the?! Where did it go!?"

"Looking for something Ninja Spidey?" a familiar voice rang out. Sardonyx was now back to normal and smugly held the Stone in her hand, setting it down like a golfball and swinging it at Deadpool's eye, causing his body to explode.

"Can I at least get one F-bomb in Mr. Author Man? Please?" Wade begged the author by putting on his best puppy dog eyes until his disembodied head landed in one of Sardonyx's hands. "To be or not to be," she began quoting Shakespeare. "That is the question."

"I got a question." The mercenary's head growled angrily. "On a scale from one to ten, how much do you think I _**FUCKING**_ hate you?"

"Watch the mouth sonny, children could be reading this!" Sardonyx chortled. "Now then, let's finish this chapter!"

* * *

One bypass of the chapter break later, Sardonyx and the defeated Deadpool were now out of the Fourth Wall and back in the real world where the Nasty Boyz, Juggernaut & Black Tom were now nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, I give up!" Deadpool complained while his body began to regenerate. "I'll go with your stupid plan! Didn't really need to treat me like how Pearl killed that one Irishman during the Easter Rising."

"It was an accident!" Pearl exclaimed as she and Garnet defused. "And how did you possibly know?"

"But before we move onto the next chapter, can we make a quick stop first?" Deadpool asked. "There's a joke I think needs resolving."

* * *

"You'll never take the whale from me Wilson!" Captain Ahab exclaimed as he engaged in a swordfight with the dread pirate Straw Hat Deadpool and his motley crew. "I'll surrender when I get eaten alive!"

"Funny you should mention that Habbo." First Mate Peridot sneered before she whistled loudly for Willy to breach the surface, breaking most of Ahab's ship and swallowing him whole. "I'll get you for this Wade!" Ahab shrieked vengefully. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

When Ahab was finally swallowed, Willy gave the pirates his farewells and dove back into the water, free again at last.

"What did parodying both Free Willy and Moby Dick have to do with anything?" Pearl asked Straw Hat Deadpool. "You know what? After what I've experienced, I don't think I want to know."

* * *

_**At long last, the chapter is done! Good thing too, because my partner has just started college as we write this and all that education is gonna cut into his freetime!**_

_Yes indeed, the next chapter will take a bit longer to come out because of college. But I still get a few months off soon, so there you go._

_**Well, that should settle it. You get some free writing done and I won't take your ANDY ONLY stuff. Hasta luego amigo! And be sure to give my regards to your mom!**_


	5. Never Again

_AN: Good to see you all again my dear readers! How have things been? Am I being too intrusive? Well, doesn't matter! It's good to be back in business after a few weeks, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we?_

* * *

**Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants**

**Chapter 5: Never Again**

"So how much of this show is actual camping?" HYDRA Bob asked Peridot as they, along with Deadpool & Lapis, watched Camp Pining Hearts together at the X-Mansion while surrounded by massive amounts of snack foods and garbage. "A fair bit, but pretty much everyone comes for the romance," Peridot answered. "Yeah," Wade stated. "like your crippling yaoi addiction."

"What is yah-oy?" Lapis asked while mispronouncing this new word just as Pearl came in with a broom. "You really should learn how to pick up after yourselves as guests." The Gem grumbled while sweeping up crumbs off the carpet. "Hey, wise up Pearl, I'm basically an honorary member!" Deadpool remarked. "Hey, Flat-Top, gimme a refill on my coke here!"

"And you should also treat the people housing you like friends, not your servants." Colossus reminded them, just as disgruntled as Pearl, while he gave the Merc with a Mouth another bottle of pop when suddenly, Xavier came in. "Ah, Professor! Would you be so kind as to help us teach Wade here some manners?"

"It's alright, Piotr." Xavier calmed the metal mutant down. "Although Mr. Wilson here can be a bit of a nuisance, we do need all the help we can get to rescue Steven and Kitty."

"Thanks for the save Cap'n." Wade grinned at the aged mutant when someone knocked at the window. "Hey, anyone in there?!" the voice of Spider-Man called from outside, latching upside down onto the glass. "Peter!" Pearl exclaimed. "Long time no see. How are the other Avengers doing?"

"The big six are off in space right now, and the reserves are holding down the fort for now." The web-slinger answered as he opened the window and leaped through it. "When your message reached us, I was the first to take it and brought along a few pals who might be useful."

As Peter finished talking, a silver and blue blur burst through the front doors, stopping to reveal itself as Quicksilver. "Pietro, good to see you!" Colossus exclaimed. "Must mean Wanda isn't too far behind, da?"

"You are correct." Scarlet Witch answered as she followed her brother. "Hello again Crystal Gems." She greeted the Gems. "Hello to you and Pietro too, Wanda," Garnet replied as she stepped into the room. "It certainly has been a while since Thanos. I hope you both are well."

"Oh, never better Garney!" Quicksilver responded as he sat down between Peridot & Lapis to watch Camp Pining Hearts with them. "Ooh, I love this show! I always felt Pierre & Percy have really good chemistry."

"Thank you for agreeing with me good sir." Peridot added pridefully. "Oh, quit with the shit already!" Wade interjected crossly. "No one ever talks about Pierre and Paulette!"

"You take that back, you crimson clod." Peridot snarled threateningly at the mercenary and soon, an intense shipping debate between the two began. "Oh, this could take a long while." Pearl sighed in exhaustion.

"I just watch for all the crazy shenanigans these campers get up to." Spider-Man gave his opinion while snatching some snicker-doodles from the ottoman.

* * *

"Come on, work!" Kitty groaned in frustration as she continuously tried and failed to break her and Steven from their imprisonment without using her mutant powers. "If only I could find a way to break this collar, then we'd get outta here easier."

"Why don't I give it a shot?" Steven suggested, deciding to use his shield to cut the bars apart. However, that failed as well. "It's hopeless. If I didn't come, then maybe we wouldn't be stuck here."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up like that Steven." Kitty comforted her fellow mutant. "I'm sure the Gems are already on their way to save us, so try and keep your chin up until then." She implored Steven, but he remained downtrodden. "Let's face it; we're here because of my mom."

"Oh, mother issues?" Kitty realized. "I get it. That's perfectly normal. But you can't always let the sins of the parent bring you down." She assured him. "Yeah, sins like taking part in universal genocide before realizing that wasn't good and instead doing things far worse than that." Steven grumbled, much to her surprise. "Whoa okay, didn't see that coming!" Kitty exclaimed. "Far worse how? Did she actually murder someone?"

"She deliberately left tons of Gems and other races to die for her just because she was bored of being Pink Diamond, let two of my friends to be imprisoned for thousands of years, forced Gems who cared for her to suffer from her faked death and who knows what else!" Steven complained. "And then there was that whole thing with Magneto."

As if on cue, the aforementioned leader of the Brotherhood of Mutants stepped into the brig to interrogate them. "I see you've been making yourselves at home while you could." He declared before grabbing Steven by the shirt collar through the cell bars. "Tell me boy, why do you have her gemstone? Was it passed down to you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Steven answered. "When I was born, my mom died to give birth to me, and I got her gemstone and all her powers as a result. She also left me with all her baggage from ages ago, including when she was once a member of the Great Diamond Authority."

"Great Diamond Authority?" Magneto wondered, and Kitty seemed just as confused. "Yeah, I have to agree. There are more Diamonds out there?"

"That's not important right now," Steven said before Magneto set him down. "Still, why go after me in particular? We're both mutants. We should be on the same side!"

"You already know about how Rose abandoned me at Auschwitz, but the Gems only told you half the story," Erik revealed, turning away from Steven & Kitty in the process. "My part of this tale is far more complex than you realize. Like many a Jew during the war, I was prosecuted by the Nazis for my religion and sentenced to death. But I was a special case."

* * *

Heavy rain poured upon Poland in 1944 as a large group of imprisoned Jews marched sorrowfully through Auschwitz, their world nothing but drab colors aside from the bright yellow Star of David on their clothes signifying their religion. All around them, more of their people were forced to perform possibly lethal jobs for their superiors and be treated horribly should they fail to work or try to resist.

One young man in particular named Erik Lehnsherr watched just as miserably as his fellow Jews and began to notice that many of the other prisoners had brands on their arms. As soldiers began coldly leading their prisoners away from the group, Erik's parents Edie & Jacob were forcefully separated like the rest from their son, with Edie being particularly hysterical about having to leave her child.

Erik raced after his parents in an effort to see them one last time, but the gates closed before he could get a chance, and another Nazi grabbed the boy to keep him under control. However, something miraculous happened. When Erik fruitlessly reached out towards the gate, it began bending towards him. Another Nazi aided his fellow soldier in detaining the boy, and two more raced towards him as the fence began twisting more and more.

Erik's mutant powers awakened that day as the gates were ripped open with a mere stretch of his hand, but he was quickly stopped with the butt of a gun to his head from a fifth soldier. "Bring ihn zu Dr. Schmidt." that soldier commanded his subordinates. The four Nazis nodded and dragged the unconscious boy away, to where his destiny would soon be realized.

* * *

"And that's where you first met his mom, right?" Kitty asked her captor. "Yeah, I don't think we need to hear how she ditched you again."

"As I stated, the story is much deeper than that," Magneto said. "Allow me to continue."

Soon, HYDRA had come to assist the Nazis in stopping the Howling Commandos and the Crystal Gems from instigating the Auschwitz breakout. As Rose began fighting off soldiers, she began counting off the fleeing Jews. "Let me see how many we got," Rose muttered while trying to do a headcount. "Agh, there's too many of them! I can barely keep count when I'm surrounded like this!"

"Less than a million!" Garnet counted for her leader with her future vision. "However, there are still a few that we were too late to save, namely the Lehnsherr family. Klaus Schmidt is holding their son Erik."

"Klaus?" Rose soon came to a realization. "That was the boy in the office! I have to go ba-" Before Rose could finish, a HYDRA enforcer took advantage of her letting her guard down and fired with an anti-Gem weapon, poofing her form.

"Rose!" Pearl exclaimed while rushing to the deactivated gem lying on the ground. While Captain America covered for them with his shield, the Gems made a hasty retreat. "But what about those other Jews?!" Amethyst exclaimed. "A few prisoners should take this from here." Garnet answered, just as the Sonderkommando charged at their captors with guns, knives, axes, and grenades.

Inside the building where Klaus Schmidt was stationed, the mutant Jew slithered around the hall to avoid being caught again. Nazis raced outside to combat without once taking notice of the boy making his escape. Taking a moment to peek outside the window, he noticed the Gems escaping the concentration camp and furrowed his brow angrily. "Sie haben mich verlassen."

As the warfare continued, Erik quietly made his getaway with his newly awakened mutant powers and used a wrecked chain fence to fly himself away from Auschwitz.

* * *

Many years later in 1963, Magneto was holding a demonstration in New York to make a speech about the superiority of mutants when she showed up again. Rose Quartz had decided to show her face to him again after leaving him to rot all those years ago in Auschwitz, and only now, she shows up with an excuse to try and make peace.

"You can try to rope yourself into my good graces all you want Gems," he growled, preparing to fight the Crystal Gems. "But nothing can ever change the past!"

Ripping a nearby water tower off its supports, Erik prepared to smash it on top of Rose, Garnet & Pearl, but then came a loud shriek coming from the Irish mutant Sean Cassidy, aka Banshee. "Top o' the mornin' to you ladies!" Banshee exclaimed and let out another scream that brought the master of magnetism to the ground. "Now Neal!"

"I got you!" the Indian pyrokinetic Neal Shaara, or Thunderbird to his teammates, boomed while turning his body into plasma and landing a few hits on Magneto, but the German fought back by expanding a force-field that pushed him back. "Longshot, Angel, Mimic, it's all you now!"

"You got it!" Longshot replied while standing on a rooftop with Mimic and Angel Salvadore and preparing to throw a large knife at Magneto. "Just got one shot at this." He muttered to himself just as Amethyst hopped up behind him. "Hey, what you guys doing?" she asked the three mutants, catching Longshot off-guard. "Do you mind squirt?!" Longshot barked, but then he noticed her gem. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know those three, right?"

"We can discuss it later!" Angel said while sprouting fly-like wings and flying off. "Hey, wait for me!" Mimic exclaimed, copying his teammate's power by growing insect wings of his own and soaring after her.

"You guys wouldn't happen to be like ol' Maggy over there?" Amethyst continued asking Longshot, who harshly shushed her while trying to keep his concentration. "Okay, sheesh!"

"Now Longshot!" Banshee exclaimed as he let out a loud shriek at Magneto to knock him off-balance, allowing Longshot to fling his knife at the evil mutant. But Erik stopped the blade before it could reach his face with his powers and threw it right at Pearl with a wicked grin.

"Pearl, no!" Rose cried out as she dove in front of her confidant, letting the knife stab her instead, causing her to ultimately poof and retreat into her gem.

"Rose!" the remaining Gems shouted, racing to protect their leader's inactive gemstone from Magneto. "Well, that should do nicely for now." He snidely muttered. "But know this Crystal Gems, we shall meet again someday soon. Even if we have to wait years to do so!"

With that, Magneto zoomed off into the sky and left the Crystal Gems & the X-Men below. "So, sorry about letting your boss end up like this." Longshot nervously apologized. "That was my knife he threw at her after all."

"It's alright. Rose will recover soon." Garnet assured the mutant. "By the way, I didn't get your name."

"Call me Longshot, leader of the X-Men!" Longshot proudly replied. "These are my teammates; Banshee, Mimic, Angel Salvadore, and Thunderbird. We're all mutants."

"It is a pleasure to meet you." Thunderbird greeted, extending a hand to Pearl. "Mutants? I think I remember meeting one, centuries ago." Pearl replied, shaking Neal's hand. "You wouldn't happen to know anyone named En Sabah Nur?"

This revelation caused the X-Men to gasp in shock. "Wait, you met Apocalypse?!" Mimic cried. "Let me guess, you guys know him as a real bad guy?" Amethyst quipped. "Yeah, he's about yay tall, superiority complex, total Darwinist." Angel replied. "Come along. We can tell you more about him."

"And maybe we'll introduce you to the professor too." Banshee added happily. "We'd be glad to meet your professor." Pearl agreed, and Garnet & Amethyst nodded as well.

* * *

"So that's how the Gems met Xavier!" Steven realized. "But how come you remember that last bit happening? You left after poofing Rose."

"Don't think about it." Magneto assured him. "And now that I have you in our clutches, watching Doctor Doom experiment on you will be so satisfying."

"But still, you can't just vent your vengeance on a kid!" Kitty exclaimed.

"Yeah, this isn't what Xavier would want!" Steven replied, forcing Magneto to drop his stoic façade. "He knows you can be better than this, barring the terrorism. You're both on the same wavelength when it comes to protecting mutants, but kidnapping one of your own for your own sake is just wrong!"

"Y'know, that does seem like something Charles would say. Though he would've said it better." Magneto relented, pressing a button on the cell to let Steven and Kitty out. "Fight them off while you still can children. I shall take the blame myself."

"Okay Steven, let's get outta here!" Kitty declared excitedly. "And no matter what happens, I got your back!"

"Actually Kit, I think I got yours." Steven replied, just as another door opened, and Mystique stepped into the brig. "Erik! Why have you let the prisoners out?" she asked Magneto. "It was the boy who convinced me." Erik revealed. "As it turns out, he's quite good at turning people to his side."

"Well, you're too late child." Mystique said to Steven. "We have finally landed in Latveria."

* * *

The Crystal Gems, X-Men, Fantastic Four, X-Force, Spider-Man, Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver all marched to the Blackbird, ready to go out to Latveria and save Steven & Kitty. Human Torch and Cyclops were in charge of piloting the plane while Xavier planted his wheelchair in the back.

"So tell us what we're in for Reed." Garnet asked Mister Fantastic, who gave a sharp sigh of regret. "You should know by now that Doctor Doom is our family's greatest adversary. Intelligence on par with my own, mastery of the mystic arts, psionic abilities, the works." Reed explained. "But what I'm sure you probably don't know yet was that we knew Doom long before he turned out like this."

* * *

"Victor, have you gone mad?!" a younger Reed yelled at his college classmate Victor, who was standing in front of a large machine generating an unstable portal. "This machine is highly unstable and could explode at any moment!"

"I do not care what it takes, Richards!" the man who would be king of Latveria cried as the machine was on the verge of self-destructing. "This is the only way I can see my mother again!"

"Hey Stretch, we got everyone outta here!" Ben Grimm, back then a normal human being instead of a large rock creature, called for his classmate while he, Johnny and Sue burst into the laboratory. "You gotta come with us!"

"No Reed, we can see our mothers again, together!" Doom tried convincing his rival. Reed hesitated for a moment, weighing his options between escaping with his friends or getting to see his late mother Evelyn again. But as he made his decision, he turned away from Victor. "I'm sorry Vic. But I've moved on."

"How dare you?!" Victor screeched, while his four contemporaries fled the scene. "Don't you dare run away! We could've been something more!" Just then, the portal machine has just about reached its boiling point, and caused the lab to explode with Doom inside. The last thing he said before the room collapsed on him was a scream of "RIIIIIIIIICHAAAAAAAARDS!"

* * *

"Never saw him again after that incident. Ol' Iron Mask got expelled, then he just vanished offa the face of the planet." Ben regaled in the present day. "That is until he re-emerged as some young upstart billionaire named Victor Domashev, who funded the space flight that made us into the Four we are today."

"Hey guys, less backstory, more blasting off!" Amethyst snapped her fingers. "Pretty sure Steven might be on his way to being dissected by now!"

"Yeah, and a certain author friend of ours wants to get this out as quickly as possible." Deadpool agreed, his medium-aware comment inciting odd stares from the others. "Can we move onto the next scene already?!"

* * *

As Mystique had declared, Steven was now in the European country of Latveria, famously ruled by the Fantastic Four's arch-nemesis Victor von Doom. He and Kitty were led through the aesthetically medieval capital city Doomstadt, where its citizens whispered in German, Hungarian and an unknown third language reminiscent of the latter dialect.

"Victor, we have brought the child. And an unwanted guest." Mystique announced in front of Doom's castle as they crossed the drawbridge. The castle was guarded by numerous robot soldiers that bore Doom's face, all of them giving Steven cold and unfeeling glares as he was finally brought before the man who's face the robots bore.

"Steven Universe." Doctor Doom boomed, resting on his throne while the boy was handcuffed in front of him. "I have heard much about you these past few months child. Erik, I must commend you for getting the job done, although I've heard of your possible betrayal and won't tolerate it." Then Doom turned to Mystique. "Thank you Ms. Darkholme for alerting me of this before you arrived.

"You are most kind Doctor." Mystique thanked him with a bow. "We hope you return your end of the bargain and grant us mutants sanctuary in Latveria."

"Raven, you must listen!" Magneto cried to his second in command. "This boy calls himself a mutant, just like us! We can't just let Victor experiment on him like this. What if he has something else planned?!"

"SILENCE!" the king of Latveria roared. "It seems this child has made you soft Mr. Lehnsherr. No matter." He rose from his throne and stepped towards Steven & Kitty to give them a good look. "He shall become useful to me soon. And as for the girl, take her away."

"Yes your Highness." Mystique complied, snapping her fingers to have Juggernaut take Kitty away.

"Hey, put me down!" Kitty hissed, struggling to break free from the massive mutant's hands, which was easier said than done since her powers were still restrained. "Don't worry Steven, I'll find a way to save you!"

"Ah shaddup!" Juggernaut groaned loudly, stuffing a big finger inside the smaller girl's mouth to keep her quiet when Mystique put a hand on his bicep. "And what do you want Bluey?"

"It's about Erik. We may resort to terrorism to fight for mutant rights, but I think allowing a child to be experimented on may be going a bit too far." Raven whispered to Cain while they moved farther away from Doom. "Besides, he is a mutant much like us."

"So I've heard." The Juggernaut muttered. "But shouldn't he count more as an alien because his momma was one?"

When the Brotherhood mutants left the throne room, Steven was left all alone with Magneto and Doom. "What do you want with me Doom?" Steven asked the king. "Was it really necessary to have the Brotherhood kidnap me when you could've had your robots do it?"

"Why I couldn't have just sent my Doombots doesn't matter." Doom declared. "But what does matter is what I want to do to you. You see, you're special Steven, as you probably know. A being who's a mixture of human and alien DNA, and that alien DNA might prove very important to me." He explained to Steven. "I wish to use those genes for my own ends. Perhaps make an army of similar beings, or perhaps become part-Gem myself to gain ultimate power! Which is why I chose you in particular."

"Doctor, an invading ship is approaching Doomstadt." A Doombot announced as it walked into the throne room. "Shall we send out the reinforcements you selected?"

"You may, #1961." Doom replied, pressing a few buttons on his arms that opened a door, and behind it were four supervillains.

Trapster, a man in goggles with a container of glue-like substance on his back, attached to a hose with a gun at the end.

Mole Man, a deformed midget in a green suit with a blue visor who was holding a staff in his hand.

The Puppet Master, a bald, dark-skinned man accompanied by a pair of human-sized marionettes in the shape of the Human Torch and the Thing, that he controlled with a special remote.

And the Wizard, a purple armor-wearing supergenius who floated in the air with special anti-gravity discs.

"Frightful Four, it seems we have some uninvited guests." Doom revealed to the four villains. "I insist you deal with them at once, while I make my little guest here at home."

"Yes Doctor." The Frightful Four said in unison, then the marched out of the throne room to battle. Once again Steven was alone in the throne room with Victor & Erik, and the former was all too eager to get things started.

"Now then, shall we begin testing?" Doom asked Steven maliciously, and Steven replied with a very nervous gulp.

* * *

_After three months of work, it's finally done! We're getting close to the end of this guys, and I couldn't be more excited. But for now, I think I'm gonna take a little break to focus on college stuff for a bit, and I'll be back soon with not just a new chapter, but also a brand spankin' new Steven Universe tale I've had on the brain for a while. It's an AU rewrite of Steven Universe Future aptly named Steven Universe: Alternate Future. If you want to know more about this upcoming series, I've already got an entire episode list on my DeviantArt page along with drawings of some original characters created for it. Until we meet again, toodle-oo!_

**In Loving Memory of Sean Connery **

**1930-2020 **

**& Alex Trebek**

**1940-2020**


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